Eighty-two things you might not know about me. You don’t know them because you probably don’t care. That’s okay.

Posted on by lindsay
Man, I love MySpace questionnaires. 1. What is your middle name? Anne. If you spell it without an “e”, I’ll kill you. 2. How big is your room? If you don’t count the padding on the cell walls, ten by ten. 3. What are you listening to right now? The dryer. 4. What are the last 4 digits in your phone number? 6727 5. What was the last thing you ate? Pho. And a gummy bear I found in my pocket. 6. Last person you hugged? Mommy Dearest. It’s Mother’s Day, after all. 7. Coke or Pepsi? I’ve sworn off both in favor of strongly diluted Propel Fitness Water and the desire to pee constantly. 8. Have you ever gone fishing? For compliments, constantly. For fish, occasionally. 9. Favorite sport to watch? Does shuffleboard count? 10. When did you graduate high school? June of 2002. 11. Look to your left, ...continue reading.

Revenge

Posted on by lindsay
"I've been really pissed off at my kids' daycare lately. I don't get ANY respect there. So the other day I stopped in during naptime and yelled to my sleeping daughter, 'HEY MADELINE! You ready to do some A, B, Cs and some 1, 2, 3s?' I mean, these people are getting paid to do nothing while everybody is sleeping, so I woke all the kids up."

My Personal Ad

Posted on by lindsay
Long-Toed Lass Seeks Similarly Spoken SuitorI'll start with my looks, because I know that, in assessing my suitability and desirability, that's where you'll start too. I'm 5'8", with blue eyes and long blond hair. Lest you picture a svelte Barbie, let me replace the image with that of a lanky teenage boy. Being that I am averse to skin cancer, I am fairly pale as well - if you want to date a leather handbag, I am not the girl for you. I also have abnormally large feet, with frighteningly long toes. They've been called "foes" in the past, which is a charming conglomeration of the words "finger" and "toes" - a very accurate name for them. Were I more skilled, I could probably use them to climb trees or play the banjo, but for now, I just use them to repulse men and scare children.Now let's move on to ...continue reading.

Caitlin’s Personal Ad

Posted on by lindsay
My Average Week - READ THIS!Although working for the same company as my best friend of a nearly decade has resulted in more than one situation that could warrant our immediate termination, I somehow manage to remain gainfully employed (perhaps due to limited competition for jobs in my field) as an Olfactory Appeal Specialist (OAS) for a lead paint manufacturer in Ashburn. I barely notice the headaches anymore, and my doctor thinks there's a chance the nephritis is reversible. Just kidding -- my job's not that bad. As an inside sales representative, I'll much sooner die of boredom than cancer.When I'm not perusing our scintillating company handbook or racing my only friend to the bottom of the five-gallon water cooler, my complete technical illiteracy qualifies me to sell a host of Dell products to computer sages. I typically 'work' from 8:30-5:30 and take standard lunch breaks to read and sunbathe ...continue reading.