Sweet Stinkers

Posted on by lindsay
When you are 18" tall, running around in 30+ inches of snow is deeply exhausting. They've been passed out next to me on the couch for over an hour and while I love their warm, fluffy company, there are a few issues. Namely, Scout has rancid gas, Kobe is snoring loudly and has disgusting breath, and there are eight paws that each smell strongly of puppy and Fritos. It's like cuddling with the trash can, the garbage disposal, the toilet, and a Snuggie all at once.

Of Mice and Me

Posted on by lindsay
The good news is that the mice are safely settled in their new cage and are still very cute. The bad news is that they smell a little more than anticipated. Three also ran up the sleeve of my bathrobe the other night when I was trying to transfer him to Moose's cage, and for a minute I panicked because (a) there was a mouse inside my bathrobe and (b) Kobe was watching this process anxiously, waiting for me to drop something edible. The last thing I wanted was my dog tearing around my small condo trying to catch a fleeing mouse that I'm supposed to be protecting. It ended well, though; Three dropped out of my sleeve, fled into the egg carton house, and cowered there all night. Yesterday morning when I went to make sure nobody had died, Three and Moose were curled up together in a single ...continue reading.

What An Excellent Year For An Exorcism!

Posted on by lindsay
For the past three years, I have begun each new year with a review of how I did with my previous year's resolutions and a discussion of my new resolutions. That sounds boring, so I'm not going to do it. Instead, I'm going to do a quick recap of the past year in list format, which saves me the time and trouble of developing thoughts and connecting them meaningfully in paragraphs. Also, it's probably less tedious for you to read. Things That Sucked in 2009 1. Grandma died. 2. My fiance left me and moved out. 3. I drowned uncomfortably at a job that tried to eat my favorite coworkers after it had chewed me up and spit me out. 4. Scout went blind in one eye, which now glows radioactively whenever it catches the light. 5. I killed every plant I owned this year (four of them). 6. The military ...continue reading.

Floored

Posted on by lindsay
One of the biggest downsides of living alone is that I am the only person that does housework. That is generally fine, with the exception of vacuuming. I hate the vacuum. When I was a teenager, one of my chores was to vacuum the house, and I would get so angry at the task that I would tear up in fury and ram the vacuum into the walls. It proved nothing, except maybe that my mom had made a good choice in purchasing a resilient vacuum. Bobby handled the vacuuming of our two-bedroom condo almost exclusively, but since he no longer lives here, he no longer vacuums. Inconsiderate bastard. Anyway, as a result I am forced to either live with tumbleweeds of dog fur and other dirt (gross after a week of accumulation) or pull out the vacuum and take fifteen minutes to clean the floors. I like to wait as ...continue reading.

Does Not Love Balloons

Posted on by lindsay
In honor of Bobby's birthday tomorrow, I bought a bag of balloons and started inflating them this afternoon. One balloon had a small hole in it and, figuring I could patch it with tape, I kept trying to blow it up. With a sudden bang, it exploded and flew into several pieces, causing both dogs to panic and bolt into the bedroom closet. We haven't had great luck with keeping the dogs from having accidents lately and, with another dozen balloons to inflate, I didn't want them hiding anywhere carpeted. Thus, I made them sit with me in the main area of the house, where they cowered with each WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH until all sixteen balloons were inflated.