The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Posted on by lindsay
Aisha has really gotten into this new game that I like to call the "Where's Waldo of Unsavory Specimens." The game goes something like this: we'll be out on a casual little stroll, I'll let her off the leash for a few minutes, and she'll return within moments with something obviously clutched in her mouth. Being the concerned mom, I'll sweep my fingers through her mouth and remove what she's holding, and then discover that she has set a new record for finding the potentially nastiest, most repugnant thing on the planet. Last week it was a decaying chicken bone and numerous pieces of goose shit. The other day it was something that made my hand smell so foul that I actually calculated how much it would suck to just sever the soiled fingers entirely.I just don't get how she can be in an enormous field and still find the ...continue reading.

A Day Out On The Town

Posted on by lindsay
To maximize my enjoyment of today's superb weather, I took the dogs to Panera for a tailgate picnic, then to Starbucks for a frappuccino, and then to the park. Lest you imagine that Aisha is giving me kisses to show her appreciation for a fabulous day, I must confess that she is actually trying to lick the caramel/espresso frappuccino out of my mouth.

What A Bitch! (Part 2)

Posted on by lindsay
I called the vet on the way home from class to make an appointment for Aisha's second round of shots. Being the frugal (read: broke) individual that I am, I asked the guy on the phone how much the total would be for the visit, and he started rattling off various numbers. He covered the three shots, the technician fee, the office examination fee, and the medical waste disposal, concluding that the total would be roughly $93. I nearly exploded. I swallowed my dignity. "Umm...can you possibly explain why it's, um, like, so much? I mean, why do I need the office examination?" He started telling me that puppies grow so much at this stage (gosh, really?), so it's good for them to be examined by a doctor regularly. My interpretation is that it's good for the vet's profit margin for my dog to be examined by a doctor regularly. ...continue reading.

Two for him, none for you.

Posted on by lindsay
Aisha has reached new heights of obnoxiousness. Thus far today, she has eaten Paul's cell phone charger, a DVD from Blockbuster, a scarf, and a throw rug, and also peed in the house. It's only one o'clock. My patience is rapidly dissipating.In a desperate attempt to curb her terrible behavior, I've developed a new training technique: every time I catch her doing something bad, I get two treats, show them to her, and then feed both of them to Kobe while she watches. If she misbehaves again within a few minutes, she goes in her crate for time-out, and Kobe gets two more treats, which he is fed right in front of her crate, all while receiving love and praise for having the fantastic quality of not being Aisha. I don't actually think this will have any positive effect on her naughty tendencies, but it certainly makes me feel better.I ...continue reading.

I learned two valuable lessons today.

Posted on by lindsay
First of all, I learned that in my apartment, silence is not golden. Rather, silence is a sign that somebody is eating your shoes, pooping on your carpet, or joyfully ripping threads out of the bathmat. The noise of squabbling dogs, however irritating, is ideal, as it allows one to know AT ALL TIMES the whereabouts of said dogs.Secondly, I learned that there are three things you can say when pursuing a person of the opposite sex to make them HIGHLY uncomfortable:1. "You scare me."2. "I couldn't pay you to flirt with me. Speaking of that, how much would I have to pay you to flirt with me?"3. "I've noticed that your average bathroom visits have increased by roughly a minute, and I was just wondering if everything was okay."If for some reason you wanted to blow your chances without even opening your mouth, you could gasp awkwardly the moment ...continue reading.

A fun day at the park.

Posted on by lindsay
I blew off class today (how rebellious!) to take the dogs to a fenced-in baseball field where they could frolic and fight to their heart's content. We were having a wonderful time, which was compounded by the marvelous discovery of a tennis ball.But then an evil and enormous bird showed up on the field...and despite Kobe's best efforts to terrorize the bird...poor Aisha was carried away, never to be seen again.You know what they say...you win some, you lose some.