The Dirt Field

I have started to play this fun game every morning called How Much Pain Can My Body Handle Within Moments Of Awakening After A Maximum Of Six Hours Of Sleep. Generally this involves running two miles, but some days I switch it up and try swallowing knives from the block in the kitchen, or burning off my hair one strand at a time. No matter which activity I purse, it is infinitely painful, especially because it is seven o'clock in the morning and I am hardly awake, let alone in the mood to undertake strenuous activity.The dogs, however, love going on morning runs. Starting with Aisha, I run one mile, sprint up the stairs to the apartment, switch dogs, and run another mile with Kobe. I use this arrangement because it would be impossible to try running with both dogs simultaneously, as they cannot stop fighting and sprinting in opposite ...continue reading.

While in a fit of destructive chewing yesterday, Aisha ripped open the back end of her stuffed squeaky bird and began disseminating the green, fluffy filling around the apartment. I noticed this immediately and took the toy from her, removed the intact squeaker, and discarded the gutted bird.It was then that I discovered something magical.Just for shits and giggles, I gave the little squeaker a quick pinch, causing it to squeak loudly and shrilly. Without warning, both dogs literally charged me, and leapt upon me so vigorously that it was as if I was wearing a dress made of sliced deli meats. A few more quick squeaks had them alternating between leaping up spastically, trying to grab the squeaker, and sitting and begging fiercely in hopes that I would be foolish enough to just hand it to them. Hours later, for some unknown and incredibly stupid reason, I decided to ...continue reading.