Like a butterfly kiss on my cheek.

Posted on by lindsay
I was forwarded a complaint by a client today in which the client had said, "LINDSAY DON'T KNOW HER ASS FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND." Yes, he used all caps. And yes, he said "don't know", because "doesn't know" would have required two additional letters, which would have prevented him from complaining about me that much sooner.Fortunately, my boss discussed this with me, saw exactly how rude and difficult this client has been, and immediately came to my defense. But this whole week has been one thing after another that makes me want to climb into the mouth of a hungry shark, and being told that I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground is insulting, no matter how unwarranted. I'd love to take pictures of the aforementioned ass and a hole in the ground and send both of the pictures to this client with a ...continue reading.

Teacher’s Pet

Posted on by lindsay
I had a dream last night that my boss made me a mint chocolate ice cream cake, which she presented to me with a Hershey's chocolate bar and a bag of peanut butter Hershey's kisses.But then I overslept and was forty minutes late to work, which tells me that I probably will not be receiving my cake.

Have Decided To Stop Being Lazy

Posted on by lindsay
I know I have not been writing on here very often lately, but I just haven't had the motivation, what with work and other things going on in my life. My goal is to make each post something I can reread a year from now without cringing, and I know that if I force out some fluffy crap strictly for the sake of posting, my eyes will bleed when I go back and review what I've written. Therefore, I just wait until the urge moves me, the time presents itself, and the stars align perfectly, and THEN I post.It seems like such a lame excuse to play the Work Is So Hard, Poor Me card, but it really has been a bit of a bitch lately. My boss came to me a few weeks ago and informed me that they were going to hire another person to relieve some of ...continue reading.

Headache Is Coming

Posted on by lindsay
I just called a client who is trying to sell janitorial services to the Federal Government and he answered the phone by shouting, "Praise the Lord! Jesus is coming!"It's going to be a long day.

Beaten at my own game.

Posted on by lindsay
My boss stopped by my office about thirty minutes ago to tell me that she had a teleconference at three, and that I'd need to answer the phones as everyone else was either out for the day or in meetings. "No problem," I responded. "I'm just going to run over to Starbucks first to get a cup of coffee and some heroin."She stared at me."That might be a problem," she replied sternly. "Everybody knows you can't adequately respond to phone calls if you've been drinking coffee."

Expert Advice

Posted on by lindsay
Things have been really busy at work lately. My number of clients has increased exponentially in the past three weeks, and I've gone from spending endless stretches of time dusting the spaces between the keys on my keyboard with my tongue to spending endless stretches of time sighing loudly and declining to take client phone calls because I am too busy dusting the spaces between the keys on my keyboard with my tongue.To be honest, I actually like having a lot of clients to handle. It helps the day pass more quickly, enables me to write and then ignore countless to do lists, and allows me to feel important. But the frightening thing is that the more clients I have, the more people that are relying on me to provide answers to their questions. And the questions. My god, these clients must stay awake all night thinking of questions to ...continue reading.