Cough Again and You’re Fired

Posted on by lindsay
The receptionist at my work is very ill with some sort of upper respiratory virus, and spent all of yesterday coughing, hacking, and trying to breath through her chest pain. I stopped by her desk mid-afternoon, sniffed the air, and noticed the strong smell of menthol cough drops."You smell like a lozenge," I commented helpfully.She looked contrite and replied mournfully, "I'm sorry."Then I made her drop and give me twenty for having the audacity to be sick.

Snack Attack

Posted on by lindsay
My company recently hired another company to do a bit of subcontracting and that other company responded by sending a large gift basket full of goodies to our office. I'm a hungry person and when I found the basket sitting in the conference room later that morning, I immediately opened every package that looked appealing and ate until I felt ill. That was sometime last week.By today, the basket was still in the conference room but noticeably depleted. I heard it calling my name yet again this afternoon, so I went in and finished one box of English Tea Cookies, one package of Candied Fruit Slices, and one box of Highlights Biscuits with Milk Chocolate and Coconut. These are not labels I recall from when I carefully selected what to eat; they all went by so quickly that I had to do an inventory of all the boxes in my ...continue reading.

Increasing Efficiency Everyday!

Posted on by lindsay
As I was washing my hands in the ladies' room a moment ago, a large woman in brightly-colored cotton pants strolled in. She noticed me standing there, cheerfully chirped hello, and turned into the first stall. Before she'd even begun closing the door, she casually yanked her pants down and turned around to sit. Only after getting settled did she reach over and latch the door (after which she began loudly blowing her nose which, while startling and fairly appalling, was only the icing on the cake).So that settles it. The next time I have to use the bathroom in a hurry, I'm not going to waste any time. I'll pull my pants down before even leaving my office.

Weekly Update: Wait, you wanted DAILY posts?

Posted on by lindsay
I've been very lazy busy this week, which is why I haven't posted anything. However, because I lead quite possibly the most exciting existence ever, a lot has happened in the past seven days, all of which I will share with you, my lucky readers, now. Lay back! Open a cold one! Both of which I've already been doing since 9:30 this morning.Victory (Sort Of) at the Mountain Bike RacesThis past Wednesday marked my participation in my second mountain bike race in a series sponsored by several local bicycle clubs and stores. These bike races are very exciting, filled with winding trails, thrilling hills, and great big piles of stretchy spandex. At my first race ever several weeks ago, I came in third in my class, a feat made possible only by the mid-race death of all but two of the other participants. My prize? A bronze medal, a plastic ...continue reading.

Technical Difficulty

Posted on by lindsay
As I was preparing to leave work early yesterday for a meeting, my boss stopped me to ask if I used a surge protector when plugging in my work computer at home. When I explained that I did not, she said that I should borrow a spare from our office and be sure to use it, as the weather was often stormy in summer and I frequently work from home. This didn't seem to be a particularly unreasonable request; had she asked me to do actual work or something, I would have been significantly more inconvenienced.I didn't see a spare surge protector lying around, however, so I asked my boss for assistance. She marched into the storage room and produced a surge protector that was roughly the equivalent to what would be needed to protect the entire continent of Asia. "Here," she said, handing me the colossal box. "It's a ...continue reading.