A Regular Scrooge

Posted on by lindsay
"I'm leaving now," our receptionist chirped on her way past my office. "Have a good night!" She paused for a moment, before adding, "Damn, I have to stop and get stockings.""Like, stockings to hang by the chimney with care in hopes that Saint Nicolas soon will be there?" I asked."Ummm, no," she replied, giving me an odd look. "Like, stockings to wear when I go out to dinner with my friends tonight."

Thoughtful

Posted on by lindsay
"Don't get the chicken," my coworker advised conspiratorially on our way out to the kosher restaurant of our boss' choosing. "They don't always pluck all of the feathers off, so you end up with hairy chicken."Upon arriving at the restaurant, I passed on that friendly advice to our new employee, who was joining us for lunch. "You should get the chicken," I offered congenially. "It's really good here."

Just In Time For Halloween

Posted on by lindsay
I took a break from working a few minutes ago (reading the newspaper online can get very stressful) to grab a snack at 7-Eleven. After buying my M&Ms and soda, I started briskly out the door and nearly collided with a tall, shirtless man carrying a single pumpkin and wearing a floppy hat. The look on my face felt like one of mere surprise, but it must have come across as MOVE, ASSWIPE! because he immediately stammered an apology while his eyes darted around wildly. It was very strange, but I thought little of the encounter as I headed down the street to stop in the nearby ranger surplus store. I browsed through the store briefly and was paying little attention to the other customers, until I heard a man come in and loudly start a conversation with the elderly sales clerk. Upon looking over, I realized that it was ...continue reading.

These posts, they write themselves.

Posted on by lindsay
One of my coworkers who attended the dinner last night is good friends with a former coworkers who was also present. This girl had also brought her fiance to the dinner. Two minutes after I walked into the office this morning, she appeared in my doorway and asked abruptly, "Do you have the poops today? Because we all do."

Oy Vey

Posted on by lindsay
My boss invited Bobby and me to a Jewish Sukkot dinner at her house tonight. Apparently she invites all of the employees to this celebration every year, as it is only loosely religious and supposedly a lot of fun. From the basic research I have done on this holiday, I have learned that Sukkot is a Biblical pilgrimage festival and that the dinner tonight will be held in a booth constructed of canvas, metal, and bamboo in my boss' backyard.My concern, however, is that my boss is Orthodox Jewish and lives under a very strict code of laws that govern her everyday life. These laws include prohibitions against showing her hair to anyone but her husband, doing anything on the Sabbath that could be considered creating something (including turning on lights or writing anything), and eating anything that is not strictly kosher, among many other rules.From the many questions I ...continue reading.

Uncle Sam Wants Herbal Remedies

Posted on by lindsay
I have a new client at work. I can't tell you the name of the company because then my website would come up whenever somebody Googled that company and I'd rather save getting fired for some exciting stunt, like sending pictures of my middle finger to obnoxious clients. My bosses both have exceptional senses of humor, as evidenced by the time they pretended to fire me at my annual review, but somehow I don't think they would appreciate reading about what really happens when I use the office restroom. But back to my new client. Their company name is so completely random that I had to find their website just to figure out what they sell. To give a parallel example, it would be similar to having a defense contracting company called Sparkling Moon, Inc. Nobody would hear the name Sparkling Moon and think, "Excellent! A source for technologically advanced ...continue reading.