A typical workday is four hundred and eighty minutes long. However, for the sake of being reasonable, we can say that the average window of time during which employees would arrive at work each morning is one hundred and twenty minutes. The wait for an elevator in my building is roughly one minute. That means I have an estimated 0.83% chance of riding the elevator at the same time as one of my bosses in the morning.
So with odds like these, can somebody please explain why I repeatedly find myself trapped in the elevator with my boss as I’m coming in late to work? It never happens when I’m on time. It never happens when I’m carrying a stack of important documents. It only happens when I am running at least thirty minutes late and visibly toting my recently purchased Starbucks (although that is actually almost every day of the week). There is nothing as painful as dashing into the elevator with proof that I made a stop on the way in despite my tardiness, only to discover my boss waiting stoically in the corner. The only thing that makes it more enjoyable is if the doors try to close on me, or if I’ve remembered to bring my enormous “FIRE ME, I’M A SLACKER” sign.
Before you argue that my boss was late obviously late as well and therefore should be understanding, let me point out that I work for a small company, so when I say “boss” I really mean one of the two women who own the company. Their tardiness does not count – they could show up at noon, wearing flannel duck pajamas and waving forties, and I wouldn’t be able to say anything. Except maybe to ask for a sip.
The obvious answer is that I could just start getting to work on time and avoid this situation entirely, but let’s be realistic here. If there’s one thing at which I consistently excel, it’s being late. Let’s not mess with perfection.