Dear Miss Demeanor
Life, Love, Lust, and Law School
Dear Miss Demeanor,
My best friend just got a sweet job offer from a law firm, and I don’t have a job yet. How do I deal with my jealousy?
-Envious Esquire
I’d generally tell you to just stifle your bitterness and be happy for your friend, but I’m guessing that since you’re taking the time to ask for advice, that’s not really an option. So you have two choices. First, you could try to be honest and rational about the situation. Admit to your friend (even in a joking manner) that you’re jealous of his good fortune and that you hope you’ll be as lucky in the future. Then focus on realizing that you too will eventually get a job and that there is no reason to have hard feelings now. If this option doesn’t sound easy or appealing, you could also secretly think unkind thoughts about your friend that may help you cope. Remember when he got dumped by that exceptionally unattractive girl? Remember how closely his feet resemble those of a penguin? It may not be mentally healthy, but sometimes focusing on the bad will help you feel better about the good.
Dear Miss Demeanor,
I’m a law school dropout turned art major. I had a fling with this 1L girl many moons ago while we were both seeing other people and it got pretty hot and heavy. Ultimately, because of our circumstances, we decided to go our separate ways. The girl, however, has recently come back into my life with a new fire in her heart and I was wondering if I should pursue her once again. Who knows, we did have a fun time, um, studying together. Help?
-Sleepless in Suburbia
From reading your email, I’d say you seem like someone who enjoys a good bit of drama in your life. While most relationships that stem from situations of mutual cheating are like chugging grain alcohol – fun until the party is over and then you crash – there are some people that really don’t mind the repercussions. If you’re one of those people and you genuinely believe that this girl has the potential to be a good match for you, then go for it. You only live once. But don’t be surprised to discover one day that to her, “library” is a euphemism for her study buddy’s bedroom.
Dear Miss Demeanor,
I had way too much to drink at a party the other night and decided to call my ex-boyfriend. Most of the conversation is a blur, but I’m fairly sure I said some fatally embarrassing things that made me look both psychotic and pathetic. What should I say to him now?
-Drunk Dialer
There is only one path you can take: sheepish acknowledgment of your stupidity. Call him, apologize for your behavior, explain that you had way too much to drink, and end the conversation quickly. Then do yourself a favor and either delete his number from your phone entirely or give your phone to a reliable friend the next time you decide to surrender your dignity and self-respect.
Need advice? Write to AskMissDemeanor@gmail.com.