The Dirt Field

When I first took my leave of absence from law school, it never occurred to me that I would be leaving myself with absolutely nothing to do all day (well, until I found a job, which is a work in progress). It has now been a week and a half, and I am still blissfully without any real obligations to fill my schedule. Sure, I have occasional errands, appointments, and periods of time when I spam my resume out across the country, but I generally am very busy doing the following:

1. Nothing.

This can be very boring at times, because there are only so many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy that you can watch before you just want to scream at Dr. Grey and Dr. McDreamy, “JUST DO IT ALREADY!” However, there are also days where my complete lack of scheduling requirements makes for a very nice time. Like yesterday, for example, when I did this all afternoon:

Lest you picture me sitting alone on my back porch turning into that chick that devours twinkies in an attempt to eat her feelings, I assure you that I was not alone. I had my friends MJ and Caitlin stuffing twinkies with me:

I also had a moment of enlightened creativity that involved one roll of tinfoil and one very unhappy dog:

And my roommate, Matt in the Hat:

After a few drinks, that creativity turned into something far more sinister and deranged:

Followed by one incident with an inflatable sheep that will not be discussed:

I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say life is good; more that life is different and weird. I’ve made a lot of significant changes lately, and there are times when stop abruptly and have a complete WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING revelation. Last night, after seeing a particularly bad movie with Caitlin, I had one of those feelings and decided to collect my thoughts while lying on the back porch staring up at the sky. After a few minutes, my roommate Jeff came out onto the deck to smoke a cigarette, looked at me wordlessly, and proceeded to play with his cell phone. I sat up, stared at him, and asked, “Am I so weird that seeing me lying here in the dark doesn’t seem the least bit unusual?”

He replied that he thought I was just having a moment.

And I guess I was. I have a lot of those lately. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to figure out; perhaps what I want to do with the next ten months or maybe how I got here in the first place. I just don’t know. I think everything will make a lot more sense once I have a job and a regular paycheck, because really, how can anything in life seem normal when your money is a one-way street with no speed limit? But until then, I’ll just settle for being a little inflatable sheep who has lost her way.