A lot of people who have been reading this blog lately are coming here as a result of a link on the “I’ve Thought About Dropping Out Of Law School At Least Ten Times Today” group page on Facebook. (If that’s you, then Hi! What the hell are you doing away from your damn textbooks? Haven’t you heard of the standard bell curve?) As a result, I figured I’d do a little post about what it’s like to work at that first real job after college, the real job I finally got nine weeks after leaving law school.
I’m not going to delve into too much detail for fear of being dooced, but I will say that I work for a small company that helps other companies secure contracts to do business with the federal government. My experience in this field was minimal, but I bathed the day of my interview and wore a suit that was only moderately filthy, so they hired me, put me up in an office, accessorized me with gadgets, and handed me a crapload of work. And now I’m a professional. Leave law school, and you could be too. The best part? When I drink, I do so without the hurried, frantic vigor of a law student guzzling beer in a haste to escape from crippling stress. Now I drink with the relaxed demeanor of one who passes her days listlessly in an office waiting for the seconds to tick by so she can go home and drink.
The scary part is realizing that the people who do these jobs are real people, just like me. I’ve always thought of people who had actual important, serious jobs as being different than me, or at least not the kind of people who have contests to see who can fit the most Bubble Tape in their mouth at once or who still giggle hysterically at flatulence. But these people I work with? They’re like me. And now I’m one of those people too, the people who do real serious things that are important. And I still think it’s great when somebody farts; in fact I sometimes call my best friend and do it over the phone just to make her laugh too. And I’m helping people sell important things to the government. The one that takes our taxes and makes our laws and runs our lives.
Don’t get me wrong; there are times when I’m professional. I know how to be serious and I do understand the importance of taking a break from Solitaire to do some work, if only so they don’t decide to stop sending me a paycheck. But even when I’m on my best behavior, I’m still surrounded by people who make me want to beat my head on the wall. At my meeting yesterday, one woman kept referring to herself in the third person (“And Jane will be taking care of that! Not that Jane’s plate isn’t already full!”). Another person on a teleconference was viewing a proposal in Microsoft Word that I sent him, and when I explained that he needed to fill in a certain section on the proposal, replied that there was only an inch of space between that section and the next line and how was he supposed to fit all of that information in there? I patiently explained that he could try hitting “Enter” to get some more space, and then my eyes fell out of my head because I was rolling them so hard. These people are considered real professionals, and yet they make me continually wonder if they’re not hiding farm animals under their beds.
The biggest thing, though, is that when I get home, I’m home and free to do whatever I want. It’s not like leaving school for the day, because I don’t come home to enough reading to carry me through 2009; I just come home, peel off my work clothes, and do nothing. Sure, it’s usually around 6:30pm by then, and I’ve been gone for so long that my dog has chewed a hole in the siding of the house just so he can get out to pee, but I’m free for the whole evening. And that makes it all worthwhile.
So if you’re thinking about leaving school, if you’re even contemplating escaping the hell that is becoming a lawyer, I say go for it. It’s a rush to get a job, get out there in the real world, and spread your stupidity around under the guise of “doing your job”. And besides, if I decide to go back to law school, that’ll make for one less person that I’ll have to kill to get my clerkship.