If you are at all familiar with Northern Virginia, then you are probably well aware of the recent construction on Route 28. This construction is eliminating most major intersections and replacing them with smooth-flowing interchanges that utilize on and off ramps as opposed to traffic signals. For the past four months, I have been eagerly awaiting the opening of the newest interchange that was supposed to eliminate the bulk of my morning traffic. This interchange finally opened last Wednesday afternoon, but due to my erratic work schedule (which can also be called laziness), this morning was the first chance I had to experience its full glory during rush hour.
It was an exceptionally disappointing experience. Although traffic now flows smoothly through what had before been a congested intersection, the same amount of backup now accumulates a mere mile down the road at the following traffic light, meaning that I don’t in fact save any time at all.
The worst part is that I am no longer able to take my standard circuitous route past the traffic. Are you familiar with those terrible, evil people who use the exit lanes that run parallel to the main road to bypass large amounts of standing traffic? Those shitty people who inconsiderately think only of themselves? I am one of THOSE people. I can’t say that I’m proud to be one of them, but it is certainly a good feeling to be flying down the segregated exit lane at a breathless sixty-five reasonable forty-five, skipping what would have been an additional ten minutes of waiting.
When I first joined THOSE people, I felt guilty and would sink down as low as I could in my seat to avoid being scorned by disapproving traffic sitters. Now, however, I don’t mind being seen as opportunistic: I speed down the lane, music blaring, hair flying in the wind, visibly gloating at those silly drivers who did not think to be as clever (dishonest/immoral) as myself. Were I not paid hourly, I might be less inclined to cheat the system, but at this point I would run over my own grandmother in my haste to get to the office.
Before the new interchange opened, the bulk of the traffic accumulated next to an exit lane that enabled me to skip almost a solid half-mile of delays. Now, however, the traffic backs up next to absolutely nothing, which means I am forced to wait with everybody else who is creeping along.
How unspeakably disappointing. I think I’ll just save time and stop going to work entirely.