Aisha has really gotten into this new game that I like to call the “Where’s Waldo of Unsavory Specimens.” The game goes something like this: we’ll be out on a casual little stroll, I’ll let her off the leash for a few minutes, and she’ll return within moments with something obviously clutched in her mouth. Being the concerned mom, I’ll sweep my fingers through her mouth and remove what she’s holding, and then discover that she has set a new record for finding the potentially nastiest, most repugnant thing on the planet. Last week it was a decaying chicken bone and numerous pieces of goose shit. The other day it was something that made my hand smell so foul that I actually calculated how much it would suck to just sever the soiled fingers entirely.
I just don’t get how she can be in an enormous field and still find the one smelly, dirty, rotting thing. What’s more, I cannot understand why she wants to pick it up with her mouth and carry it around. These sorts of treasures are things I would not willingly touch even while wearing a biohazard suit, and she snatches them up like they’re chocolate-covered twenties.
Yesterday was the final straw. I took her to my parents’ house, and let her loose to scamper around the yard while my mother and I chatted on the garden steps. I suddenly noticed an unpleasant odor, and announced that it smelled like rotten poop (as opposed to all those fresh, mouthwatering poop odors). At that moment, my cute little princess trotted by, displaying a large prize clearly grasped in her dainty fangs. One mouth sweep later resulted in me holding something should never be discussed again. Suffice to say that it was so horribly repulsive that I immediately bathed Aisha, my hand, and the interior of the cesspool that is her mouth.
But don’t worry, it’s not like this is the same dog that licks every square inch of my exposed skin whenever she can. Because that would be disgusting.