The Dirt Field

Passing my time by posting random ads on Craigslist.org (feel free to respond):

“I have submitted my resignation to my company and have ten days left at my job. This translates into a complete lack of motivation to do anything other than consume as much free hot chocolate, bagels, candy, staplers, and scotch tape as I possibly can. It’s not that I harbor any ill will towards the company; rather that I just have no incentive to maximize my performance. I know they are not going to promote me or give me a bonus, and I also know that they are unable to fire me until I train my replacement. Thus, I have decided to come in late, take lengthy lunch breaks, rush back to work in order to surf the Internet, and then leave early. It’s a very stressful existence. I might even have to nap under my desk to recover.

But as you can imagine, this apathy leaves me with a solid bit of spare time. Therefore, I am seeking interesting people with whom to converse – if you collect mothballs, love eating small birds, enjoy curling, or have recently committed an amusing felony, you’re right up my alley. On the other hand, if you’re dull, ordinary, unable to use the English language properly, averse to punctuation, or otherwise irritating/egotistical, please feel free to write me and explain just how unremarkable you are. That will be interesting as well.

To cover the basics and prevent me from having to repeat this endlessly, I am twenty-one and female. I work at an IT company where I modify government contracts…or at least that’s what the sign on my cell says. In actuality, I take long trips to the bathroom with my favorite coworker and have contests to finish the contents of the water cooler. I’m quitting my job to start law school this fall, after which I plan to take a highly unfulfilling job as a prosecutor for the federal government. My goal is to ensure that I never make more than the total cost of my education, and I think I’m well on my way.

I have two dogs, one stuffed sheep, and one husband, and I enjoy shooting, street hockey, and ducks. (For the record, those three are mutually exclusive). I’m also a fan of eating, vocabulary, particle physics, crop dusting, miniature pigs, and mosaic tiling. I don’t believe in having fun; in fact, I avoid it at all costs. When I have fun, it makes everything else pale in comparison. It is so much easier to be constantly bored and miserable – that way, even things like poverty, unemployment, and death seem exciting. However, when confronted with free time, I read ancient Arabic texts, mold wax figurines, and polish my hatchet collection.”