The Dirt Field

The Race: Nature Valley Grand Prix Stillwater Criterium
The Course: 13 laps, 14 trips up Chilkoot Hill
The Field: Pro 1/2 women
The Finish: 19th on the stage, 14th on the GC

First and foremost, here is our final video masterpiece as a team.  The videographer, who shall remain nameless to protect him from the masses of people who would mock his appalling love of liverwurst (seriously, it has the word wurst in the name, isn’t that a hint??), asked that one of us make a joke referencing the fan shown in the background. After we finished making fun of him for being totally lame, of course I did it. The wurst part (see what I did there?) is that it’s the kind of joke I would have made all on my own. Better to let him take the fall for it, though.

It would be dishonest to not admit that my non-crying streak ended before the start of the Stillwater Criterium. I had been doing so well all week, but then the pressure to finish the race on a high note combined with the sorrow about the experience ending swirled together and suddenly there were tears. Because I was surrounded by people and I’m big on dignity (contrary to what the last six years of content on this site might indicate), I hid behind sunglasses and tried to remain composed through staging and the start. It helped significantly to look around and see my girls in green standing with me at the line, and when the sassy music started playing during call-ups, I was even able to pull off a few dance moves. Then it was time to race and the 22% grade of Chilkoot Hill gave everybody a real reason to cry.

Honestly, it wasn’t so bad at first. Sit and spin, stand and hammer, and then it was the finish line at the top and an abrupt left turn. It seemed easy enough. But then there was a false flat and another small climb and a few fast downhills and then more Chilkoot Hill, over and over until it all blurred together into a cacophony of pain and fatigue. My goal was to not separate from the front of the field and I was golden for the first half of the race, but then I started having to close small gaps and work harder on the easier parts to maintain my position. One gap started to look dangerous, but a big push from the small chase group got us back in with the front and I was relieved for the moment. But then the hill kept getting longer and I made a critical mistake (other than the error of climbing in the drops while so tense I appeared to be wrestling the bike): with three laps to go, I lost count of the laps remaining and the number of trips left up the climb blurred together. I ascended thinking “only one more time!” and saw “2” on the lap counter at the top. That was the death knell; I pedaled as hard as I could but watched the front 18 riders pedal just a little faster. And…………drop. 

I rode Chilkoot Hill alone the last two times while spectators screamed encouragement and my legs screamed obscenities. It was hard, but I knew that I had done the best I could and had nothing of which to be ashamed. When I finished, it was knowing I had given everything possible to the stage, to the whole race, to the Nature Valley Pro Chase experience.

Since qualifying for the Pro Chase, I had big hopes for how it would turn out but no idea what to expect. Would I make friends? Would the other girls be my biggest competition? Would I miss being at home and wonder why I want the crazy life of a pro athlete? Would I be able to do well in one of the biggest stage races in the country? It turned out better than I could have ever imagined. I never expected to feel so at home in my host houses, to learn more in a few days than I have in months of racing alone, to come away with results that really might help me reach my goals soon, and to make a group of friends that I hope to know for the rest of my life. Having a team is wonderful; it means you’re not on your own in the hardest moments of the race, means you don’t have to stand alone and anxious at the start line, means you have a reason to stay up far too late giggling hysterically about jokes that nobody else understands. While I set out to get results at the Nature Valley Grand Prix, I came away winning a hell of a lot more. 

To everybody who made the experience possible – Nature Valley, Michael Engleman, the mechanics from Penn Cycles, our two wonderful host families, Decca Sportswear, and everybody else who provided support and guidance along the way – there are hardly words to express my gratitude. Thank you. I had the best time.