Prior to the beginning of law school, I had this idea in my mind that I would study religiously, finish all of my reading assignments on time, participate in class like it’s my job, and just generally be an exemplary student.
I have since been disabused of that notion.
I know, I know. I have complete control over my actions and could easily still be that person. But I’m having motivational issues, issues that drive me to watch episode after episode of Grey’s Anatomy until wee hours of the morning while my textbooks leer at me from their stacks next to my computer. My body is conspiring against me as well – I could literally stay awake for hours watching shows about the lifecycle of the grasshopper, but put me in front of a book with a highlighter in hand and I’m asleep in moments. As a result of this, I have spent almost every weeknight since the start of law school sleeping on the couch with my face smushed onto page two of my Property textbook, with the lights blazing and the dogs pacing restlessly. It’s a miserable cycle, because not only am I constantly tired, but I’m also constantly unprepared.
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I can feel my mother twitching with the desperate urge to call me and give motherly advice as she reads this post. Please don’t, Mom. I know. I already know.
There are just so many things I’d rather be doing than reading my textbooks. In an attempt to delay studying in the past few days, I have done laundry, gone to the gym, cleaned the bathroom, applied for jobs I don’t want and don’t plan to accept, bleached the shower curtain liner, developed a passion for pirated television shows, eaten six meals a day, read the news obsessively, and taken up knitting. Well, not the last one. Yet.
But TODAY I will turn over a new leaf. I will study until my eyes dry up, shrivel, and fall out of my head. I will take notes until my fingers are worn straight to the bone from the effort. I will excel in my academic pursuits.
Or also, maybe not.