The Dirt Field

It’s group ride season again! The time when every racer and non-racer suits up in their kits (or random assortment of cycling-adjacent apparel), straps on the ol‘ toe clips and aerobars, and joins dozens of other cyclists in an testosterone-fueled melee waged on the back roads of our fair region. Group rides can be a great experience with opportunities to ride hard, practice tactics, and bond with fellow cyclists. They can also be chaotic and unnerving, as people who rarely swing a leg over a bike decide that THIS will be the night they WIN! Here are some tips to make sure you’re playing nicely with the other children:

1. If you find that you repeatedly need to muster frantic bursts of speed to move up in the pack because you have slid to the back, this may be a sign. This one time, at this one race, when I had no clue how to ride my bike, I too lurched my way into a better spot in the pack. Then there was a crash. Don’t be that foolish. Riding steady is the best way to keep everybody upright.

2. When you make sure to get in front on a climb and then go slowly so that everybody has to find their way around while you roll backwards, it’s unfortunate. There is no shame in riding slowly. There is shame in forcing other riders to slow down with you.

3. Your hairy calves do not go unnoticed. If I grew out my underarm hair, you would raise your eyebrows [see what I did there? I tried to make a funny.] We’re cyclists; we are meant to shave. These guys can help.

4. Your desire to be right in front during the sprint points is admirable. However, when you (a) do not try to sprint during the sprint or (b) lose interest and give up, thereby losing contact with the front riders and separating everybody behind you, it’s exasperating. Don’t you know that the winner of this sprint point gets a set of shiny new Zipps and a fragment of Cancellara’s collarbone? Don’t stand in the way of eternal glory.

5. People racing by on one side while you’re stuck in a slower line is tempting, isn’t it? Surely you are the only special unicorn that wants to jump on that train! Except that you’re not, and there are probably other riders coming up behind you. Patience, grasshopper. You don’t merge onto the Beltway at full speed without looking first, do you? Oh.

6. I can’t believe this is even on the list, but please wear a shirt. There are so many reasons why: sun/wind shielding, protection from road debris kicked up by wheels, an extra barrier in a crash, dignity, not assaulting the other riders with the sight of your squishy, leathery torso.

To be honest, I’ve done all of these (except #3 and #6, because I’ve never felt the urge to be a topless, hairy woman). When I switched over to road racing, I came with a decent amount of horsepower and absolutely not one ounce of skill or understanding of group dynamics. It took a nasty spill and the advice of a lot of patient riders to whip me into shape…a process that is clearly ongoing, since just the other night somebody told me after a sprint, “You could take that corner WAY faster.” And I was like, pshaw! Since when is grabbing a handful of brake not the best way to roll?!?

The point being that we’re all still in the process of improving. Group rides are a great place to do that; just be safe and courteous about it and acknowledge that other people are there riding to win the world championships and a trip to the moon.