Today was my first day of classes at Mason. Let me preemptively state that I know that Mason is a good school that is well-respected, and that I will be in no way ashamed to call it my alma mater. That being said, why are there so many stupid, lazy people in all of my classes?

Take, for example, the brilliant intellectual specimen seated behind me this afternoon who kept blurting out questions regarding how little work she could get away with doing. She even had the audacity to let out a loud cheer when we were told that part of the second exam was to be a take-home exercise. The sad part is that she was not alone – 90% of the other students visibly shared her enthusiasm. I understand that not everybody cares about being an obsessive-compulsive grade-grubbing geek, but seriously, can’t these people at least pretend to have measurable brain activity?

Before each semester begins, I review www.ratemyprofessor.com because it is somewhat helpful to know whether to expect Hitler or the Easter bunny when I go to my first classes. The evaluations are written by students, however, and are often worthless and indicative only of the student’s immense laziness and daftness. Here are choice excerpts from past evaluations of some of my current professors:

“Dropped in 2 classes…friends stuck around, got C’s barely thanks to curve – bad experience.” [Let me get this straight – you only survived through two classes, but had a bad experience because your friends were incompetent? Did it occur to you that you and your friends may just be complete idiots?]

“if u r planning to take this teacher, then u defnitely asking for trouble and bad grade, it doesn’t matter how hard u work. mktg suppose to be common sense but this professor makes it so hard and horroble. his review are soooooooo not helpful. good luck if u don’t have any other option. cause u need it.” [Clearly, common sense is your forte. In my world, however, those of us who exercise common sense know that writing as if you are literate is generally advised when posting in a public forum.]

“This class is not that bad. I got a D on the 1st test D on the 2nd test and a C on the final and still passed with a B. I never really studied. The lab quizzes and homeworks really helped! If you actually read the material (unlike myself) you can get an A!!” [Two Ds and one C is your definition of not bad? What would you consider doing poorly?]

“Class is easy but lots of stuff to read. exam is very hard. Very confuse class i have ever taken. If she can make the exam little easier it might helps all the student to pass the class. Since all of us not majoring on Mamagement. Very hard to remember all the stuff from the book. There should be easy way of understanding this book.” [I have a suggestion for better comprehension of the book – try learning English.]

“I had a lot of trouble waking up at 7:30 in the morning. I never went to class beside test days, I managed to fail every test, but with the curve I passed with a C…Great teacher, the curves are ridiculous. I highly recommend him. If you actually study, and go to class, it should be an easy A.” [Taking advice from you would be like letting a visually-impaired, inebriated Rottweiler give me brain surgery.]

The thing that irks me the most about these posts is that in so many cases, the professors are actually excellent, and just expect hard work, intuitive thinking, and maturity from their students. Apparently, expecting anything more than a pulse and the ability to wield a #2 pencil from students is considered unfair.

On that note, Mary, can I borrow your bubble?