Upon returning from getting my lunch today, I boarded the elevator in the lobby of my building. Three other people also got on, so I squished myself into the corner to conserve space. A middle-aged man was standing immediately next to me, nearly touching my shoulder.
Two stops later, it was just him and me remaining in the elevator, still standing uncomfortably close to one another and crammed into the corner despite the fact the the rest of the elevator was empty. I understand why he didn’t move; it would seem offensive if he were to step away from me, almost as if I was repulsive. But by the same token, it was exceptionally awkward to remain in a spacious, silent elevator within poking distance of another person.
I like to envision you shoving him out of the way with a loud grunt, but what you really should have done (to avoid assault charges)is subjected him to one of your sonic boom farts. I doubt you’d ever have to be concerned again about his maintaining an appropriate distance from you in any environment. In fact, he might even have decided to quit his job on the spot and move to New Zealand to escape you.
Yeah, that would have shown him.
Another suggestion for future reference would be to simply begin screaming wildly but keeping your body still. What are you screaming about? (Be sure not to provide explanations if he asks.) It doesn’t matter. He’s not going anywhere you again. In fact, many people will probably offer you extra space on the elevator once the story about the new girl circulates.