I decided to forego homework tonight (shocking!) in order to relax and watch the movie Silent Hill. In retrospect, my evening would have been better spent in the quiet room at the library with my Property textbook and my highlighters. Or being eaten by red ants.
It was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I’d explain the basic plot to you, but (A) I could write five thousand words on it and it still wouldn’t make any sense and (B) I’d rather die than relive the experience. By the time the credits rolled, I wanted to punch my fist through the screen, grab the main character, and kill her myself. The painful, gruesome deaths that befell everyone else in the movie were not good enough for the lead actress, who spent two hours of my life running around and making terrible choices. (“Oh my! My child has nightmares about a town, so I’ll take her there!” and “I got pulled over by the police, so I’m going to flee the scene! Twice!” and “I’m going to fend off demons with a glorified letter opener!” and “I think I’ll adopt a child from West Virginia!”)
At this point, you’re probably wondering why I even bothered to finish the damn thing. Well, at first I kept thinking that the movie had to get better, because there was no way a studio would release a film that would inflict so much pain on viewers. When I realized my mistake, I then had to finish it so that I could at least piece together the disastrous storyline. In the end, I never actually figured out what the hell was going on, but I was able to determine one thing for sure:
THE MOVIE SUCKED.
I love that movie. I plan on the purchase very soon.