They say your dreams are a mottled compilation of recent thoughts, concerns, and occurrences, which is why my dreams from last night left me wondering just how much of my mind is composed of psychotic matter. Although the sequence of events remains a mystery, I recall that my dreams involved asparagus, rollerblading, my mother, my friend from middle school, bananas, Halloween costumes, police officers, Starbucks, Reston Town Center, student identification cards, Loudoun Wainwright’s credit card, three young children, a kidnapping and an assault, a girl who wouldn’t give up her seat and therefore prompted me to be an enormous bitch, a collection of wizard hats, a snowstorm, my job as a leasing officer at my apartment complex, and Robin Hood.

Even more unsettling is that these things actually formed one coherent story in my mind, although I don’t think I’ll ever understand how.