There is a guy who works at my hotel named Donald, and he is crazy. Literally certifiably psychotic. At first my companions and I thought he was drunk, based on his demeanor, his speech, and his red face and bloodshot eyes. But then we realized that he is either taking straight moonshine through an IV, or he just nuts.
Having Donald around is like finding a schizophrenic homeless man in New York City and inviting him to follow you around like a stray dog would follow a woman in a dress made of beef. He doesn´t really follow conversations except the trains of thought in his own mind, and he rides those trains all the time, meaning that regardless of what we are discussing, he is still talking about his own subjects. These subjects consist of three things: describing people around him as members of his family (I was his sister), asking EVERYBODY if they trust him (absolutely not a chance), and talking about how he will respect us women and not touch us (he says this as he latches onto us inappropriately). I finally told him that if he touched me one more time, I would stab him, to which he replied, ¨Do you trust me?¨
One of the people I´ve met here had taken an illegal trip up the local active volcano yesterday, and had done so with a guide that was recommended by the official volcano tour guide. As luck would have it, it turns out that the guide for the illegal trip was none other than Crazy Donald. Imagine dragging a completely mentally unhinged alcoholic up the side of an active volcano as the crater spits large rocks and steam at you…personally, I thought it sounded exhilerating. Which is why I volunteered to do it tomorrow morning with Donald.
Before you become alarmed, I was told by the guy who went with Donald yesterday that he is a completely different person on the side of the volcano, and could almost have been described as normally functional. The trip is also supposed to be amazing – not only do you get right up on the lava fields, but you see rocks the size of soccer balls or small cars tumbling by and interesting wildlife like coyotes. I´m not sure if I´m going to go, as I am scheduled to leave town tomorrow morning, but it sounds exciting. Well, except for the part about the headcase that would be leading my tour. That´s a little scary.