Quote of the Day

Posted on by lindsay
"You seem to forget that I am married, and the one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. I never know where my wife is, and my wife never knows what I am doing. When we meet - we do meet occasionally, when we dine out together, or go down to the Duke's - we tell each other the most absurd stories with the most serious faces. My wife is very good at it - much better, in fact, than I am. She never gets confused over her dates, and I always do. But when she does find me out, she makes no row at all. I sometimes wish she would; but she merely laughs at me."-Oscar Wilde

An Indecent Proposal

Posted on by lindsay
I have a proposition to any interested parties: beginning any Monday, I will be willing to compete with anyone to obtain the most points by the end of the week. Naturally, my opponent will have an advantage, based on the fact that I only work thirty hours a week. However, I believe that edge will be evened out by the fact that I share an office with only one person, and that one person already thinks I am so strange that he would probably not be suprised if I expressed a desire to eat hair/breed squid/join the circus. If you are interested, please contact me and be prepared to lose, as I have absolutely no dignity or self-control.ONE POINT DARES1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.3. Leave your fly open ...continue reading.

Random Pictures

Posted on by lindsay
I needed to use Paul's digital camera tonight, and upon linking it to his computer, I discovered these amusing pictures:For Paul's 30th birthday, I inflated thirty balloons and spread them around the apartment. Kobe enjoyed them immensely, and spent ages chasing them and bouncing them in the air with his nose. Being the cruel mother that I am, I found it most entertaining when a balloon would pop in his face, terrifying him straight out of the room.These are my enormous feet on our beach trip this past summer. Quite frankly, I'm surprised the camera lens was able to capture their massive square footage. If Caitlin and her eighteen-wheelers had joined me in the photo, I am certain that we would have been out of luck.Paul took this photo in the "charmingly rustic and romantic" outdoor shower at the Hope and Glory Inn, the bed and breakfast where we spent ...continue reading.

Ruthlessly murdering time. But saving cats.

Posted on by lindsay
I have exactly one hour until I am going to sprint from the building as if I were on fire, and I cannot think of a better way to pass the time than working diligently on an important task. Whoa! That was a serious typo. What I meant to say is that I will spend the last hour blogging, emailing, and trying to find ANYTHING to eat in the office (I'm not beyond licking mysterious crumbs out of my desk drawer). I'm sorry, but this job is so fucking dull. Other than occasional legal task or correspondence request, I spend the majority of my time organizing huge case files. What baffles me is why my boss expects a peon like me to give a damn about these huge, messy stacks of files when he, at a billable rate of $300 per hour, has unconcernedly cast them aside into unmarked boxes ...continue reading.

Happy Birthday Stinky!

Posted on by lindsay
The Washington Post has selected a new purveyor of daily horoscopes, and as of late, it appears that my buddy Holiday Mathis only provides her celestial insights once or twice each week. (She must be on vacation...oh, the shoddy pun...only my mother is laughing.) The point being that for right now, I can't post your "If today is your birthday..." reading, because it doesn't actually exist on the Post's website. I'm holding out for it to be there by the time I get to work, but if not, I'll make one up. If that happens, I'm forecasting a torrid love affair with a hedgehog this year, among other fun things. It's like Target: the possibilities are endless.