I hope the apple falls a few miles from the tree.

Posted on by lindsay
I know that opinions are like assholes in that everybody's got one, but after close to four years of experience, I feel fairly confident in saying that my mother-in-law has more than her fair share. This woman doesn't just have opinions, she has Opinions, and she shares them frequently. And persistently.Don't get me wrong - I do like her very much. After all, she did give me a plate of cookies and a plastic, helmet-clad goldfish bobblehead toy today, both of which I desperately needed. The problem lies in the fact that she also gave me her opinions on (A) my lack of cooking skills, and (B) her desire for me to produce two grandchildren for her. Soon. Now I know that I am no Barefoot Contessa, but I do at least know how to cook. I made tortilla soup just the other day (from scratch - it's not like ...continue reading.

I’ve decided to go shopping now, before I go broke.

Posted on by lindsay
I got paid today. This has happened like clockwork every 15th and 30th for the past year: the state neatly deposits a tidy sum into my bank account, I pay my bills, spend the leftovers, and count down the seconds until the next payday. This system has worked relatively well. That is, up until now. Upon seeing my paycheck's appearance in my checking account this morning, I began to pay my bills online, moving from the ones with set amounts (cell phone, internet) to the ones with only minimum payments required (the monetary quagmire that is my credit card). I was deciding how little I could live off of until the next paycheck, when I had a stunning realization. There won't actually be another paycheck. When you stop working for the state, they stop giving you money.This was disturbing. So naturally, I headed to the mall. Actually, I visited two ...continue reading.

You’re lucky I love you, because you’re annoying as hell.

Posted on by lindsay
Because I needed to be in bed extra early last night, I decided to begin installing a shelf in the bathroom at 11:00pm. I had purchased a fancy little glass shelf at Bed, Bath, and Beyond (who saw a $3M increase in revenue in 2005 as a result of my wedding registry), and decided that I simply could not go another moment without installing it in the bathroom, where it is to serve absolutely no purpose other than to hold decorative candles. So I got out my tool kit, charged my power drill (Christmas gift from Dad in 2003), and installed my shelf.When the shelf was successfully hung, I then began the process of cleaning up the drywall dust that resulted from the holes I had drilled. It seemed logical to use the vacuum cleaner, so I retrieved it from the hall closet, much to Kobe's dismay.[A bit of history: ...continue reading.

So this is unemployment. Tell me again, why is this bad?

Posted on by lindsay
I know that being unemployed is frowned upon, and that most people equate joblessness with shiftless loserdom, but right now, I'm not seeing the downside. My entire morning has consisted of eating candy in bed and messing around on my laptop. In my former life, I would have been sitting at my desk at the court trying to hang myself with cheap, state-issued rubber bands while old hags recorded my every move in hopes of getting me fired. It would seem to most that the old bitches were indeed victorious - after all, I did resign after being kindly given no other option - but as I lay in bed and eat chocolate while they slave away at work for a paltry paycheck, I think I got the better deal.

Jesus Christ.

Posted on by lindsay
I can't believe I have a blog. I'll blame it on my recent wealth of free time, what with the freedom I was kindly granted by my employer. The name must be accredited to a wise former coworker, who once told me, "The grass is always greener on the other side, but sometimes you get there, and it's just a dirt field." I think this is the dirt field.