The Dirt Field

"I'd like to state for the record that I can swing a mean ax. My nickname for thirty seconds in Guatemala was "Beaver." I took care of that little pickle briskly with the aforementioned ax. "Caitlin:Upon seeing you mention Guatemala, I went back and reread the emails that I had sent during our time there, and I came up with a few memorable quotes that warrant reprinting for all posterity:“In other bright news, I got bitten by a puppy yesterday. Don’t worry, it was somebody’s pet and the owner said it had been vaccinated. It was so cute and tiny that I just had to pet it, but it bit down on my index finger...hard.”"By the two-hour mark, I was feeling hot and sick, the dirt road was INCREDIBLY bumpy, and there were 4 men, 1 woman, 2 children, Caitlin, myself, 1 chicken, and 4 chicks in this truck, as ...continue reading.

During the past week, I have haphazardly emailed my resume to every possible job opening that seemed feasible, ranging from "Seeking Part-Time Legal Assistant" to "Psychics Needed! Work from Home!" I finally get a call back today from Tracy at TRAK Legal Placement Services, who left me a perky message asking me to give her a call. I figured she wanted to set up an appointment to talk about what I want for a job, so I returned her call while I was dodging traffic on my way to lunch:"Hi Lindsay, this is Tracy, how are you doing?""I'm well, thank you, and yourself?""Great, thanks. Tell me, what has you looking for a new job?"[Well, Tracy, I thought it would be the fucking awesome to quit my job and live off of love and peanut butter. Why do you think I am looking? I'M UNEMPLOYED and prayer has, thus far, not ...continue reading.

Dear Georgetown Law Center Admissions Committee,I really want to go to your school, although I cannot name one plausible reason beyond desirable name recognition. The commute will be terrible, the tuition is unfathomable, and you were founded by Jesuits, with whom I share only a fondness for breathing. However, all of the people I don't like (or who don't like me, aka Earth) will be forced to be impressed by my astonishing academic success if you accept me. Thus, I am asking that you hesitate not a moment longer, and issue me an immediate admission into your program. You can be sure I'll accept, because I have intelligently chosen to forego applying to any other schools in hopes that I will not have to suffer the indignity of not being able to flaunt my Georgetown law degree.Cheers,Lindsay