Maybe just a little crazier than last year.

Posted on by lindsay
Roughly two years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed an antidepressant to fix my chemical imbalance. I'm not sure how much actual diagnosis was truly involved in that process; I went to my general practitioner after crying for the thousandth day straight because, oh, I don't know, the sun came up? The wind blew? When the doctor asked me why I was there, I explained in as few words as possible that I felt sad (word economy minimized the opportunities for embarrassing sobbing), and he scribbled a prescription for a medication that I've taken daily ever since. We went really deep that day.About six months ago, I started toying with the frequency at which I took the medication (every other day, every three days, every day that I cried or threw things more than twice) until I realized that the only dose that kept my sanity in town ...continue reading.

Closing Statement

Posted on by lindsay
Dear Paul,It has been about nine months since I moved out to start my life over, and I guess it would not come as a surprise to you to know that I've been doing a bit of dating lately. For the most part, I've kept everything related to our marriage off this blog because I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have, but I'd like to start hiding less of my life, which means the occasional post about dating and/or relationships. In case you do still stop by this site, I think you deserve an introduction to this new phase of my life above and beyond having me just jump right in.To be perfectly honest, I know that you have at least taken steps to move on as well. When I stopped by our apartment a few months ago, I was snooping around (you always loved ...continue reading.

Slippery Slope of Muddy Misery

Posted on by lindsay
I have a completely awesome job. My company is very small, my two bosses are exceptionally cool, I work from home all the time, I wear jeans on the days I manage to make it into the office, I work completely independently, my paycheck is sufficient, I have my own office, and I have a company cellphone that can practically brew me a cappuccino. And yet, I'm miserable. The actual work I do is so tedious, so irritating, and so incredibly detail-oriented that I want to duct tape my body to the interstate to make certain that when cars run me over, I am not dislodged from the paths of other oncoming cars. The work I do involves helping other companies prepare proposals for a particular type of government contract. I'd explain it in more detail, but then you'd die of boredom and there would be one less person to ...continue reading.

Benign Thoughts

Posted on by lindsay
My aunt was diagnosed with cancer last week, and although the overall prognosis is quite good, she still needs to have surgery. That's happening today.I don't know if this is really a subject my family wants posted on the Internet, but I think cancer is something that has touched or will touch everyone at some point in their life, so why not talk about it? I'll be perfectly honest - I'm terrified of cancer. Every single person in my family that I know of has died of cancer. No fiery car wrecks, no sudden strokes, no tropical diseases. Just great big servings of cancer for everyone. I've already put a down payment on my headstone and told them they can go ahead and engrave it with "Here lies Lindsay. She died of cancer."When my mother found out about her sister's cancer, I think it was startling to her for a ...continue reading.

No Longer Feeling Dead On The Inside

Posted on by lindsay
I've been doing a bit of research on my medication in hopes of determining how to counteract the side effects and get back on a regular schedule of being happy and drugged. My research allowed me to compile a list of possible side effects, for anyone considering augmenting their daily life with some fun pills:Weight Gain: Thought you were depressed already? Here's some extra weight to boost your self esteem.Increased Sweating: You're probably just sweating out of joy.Lethargy, Fatigue, Memory Loss, Brain Fog: It doesn't matter if you're feeling better; you're too out of it to notice.Hair Loss: Going bald makes me happy too. If I'm lucky, maybe my eyebrows will fall off. I never cared much for them.Tremors, Shakes, Other Uncontrolled Muscle Movements: Everyone secretly loves being the center of attention. With your new uncontrolled twitching, nobody will be able to take their eyes off of you.Nausea, Diarrhea, and ...continue reading.

Bringing Crazy Back

Posted on by lindsay
In an attempt to make the people around me apprehensive that I may try to kill them unexpectedly, I've been tampering with my antidepressant medication. I'd originally reached a happy place with my daily dosage, a sunny spot that allowed me to take things like getting run over with a dump truck in stride. But then about a month ago, I ran out of pills unexpectedly (well, as unexpectedly as you'd expect when you watch the number in the bottle dwindle but are too lazy to call in a refill) and by the time the new bottle arrived in the mail, it had been over a week since my last dose. And then, although I started right back up again, I had to battle through the side effects that I'd dealt with initially, side effects that became so annoying that I have quit taking the medication entirely. Now I just ...continue reading.