What An Excellent Year For An Exorcism!

Posted on by lindsay
For the past three years, I have begun each new year with a review of how I did with my previous year's resolutions and a discussion of my new resolutions. That sounds boring, so I'm not going to do it. Instead, I'm going to do a quick recap of the past year in list format, which saves me the time and trouble of developing thoughts and connecting them meaningfully in paragraphs. Also, it's probably less tedious for you to read. Things That Sucked in 2009 1. Grandma died. 2. My fiance left me and moved out. 3. I drowned uncomfortably at a job that tried to eat my favorite coworkers after it had chewed me up and spit me out. 4. Scout went blind in one eye, which now glows radioactively whenever it catches the light. 5. I killed every plant I owned this year (four of them). 6. The military ...continue reading.

Just like riding a bicycle.

Posted on by lindsay
After things went to hell last week, the first thing to go (even before Bobby; is it too soon to make jokes?) was my appetite. I couldn't eat a single bite for long stretches over five days and even keeping up with my normal water consumption was a struggle. This did wonders for my cyclist's body. I could literally see my legs shrinking and feel my energy plummeting until walking around my condo became a struggle. And I live in a place with the square footage of an elevator. Without having energy or motivation, riding my bike was out of the question. I'm in a rest month, which means only easy rides to work on skills and stay in shape, but even those were out of the question. Watching reruns of Desperate Housewives felt exhausting enough; carrying the bike outside to ride seemed fatal. But by Tuesday, I knew it ...continue reading.

So this is what this feels like.

Posted on by lindsay
Bobby moved out last Friday. There is so much to be said about the circumstances surrounding that choice, but I guess what it all comes down to is that we just weren't able to be together and be happy right now. I had made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, he had made a few of his own, we each had our issues with each other and with ourselves, and we could no longer find a way to fix both ourselves and the relationship all at once. So he told me he needed to be done, and then moved out just short of forty-eight hours later. And I'm all like holy shit. Of course I had a meltdown. I was a depressed little slug already; I could suck the joy out of Christmas and make children cry with a single look. Having the guy I love move out of ...continue reading.

Midnight in this garden of good and evil.

Posted on by lindsay
I have been a bit of a mess lately. Cross season ended up being a bust, so I called it quits early to start winter training. My inability to get the mental aspects of racing under control, combined with the outside influence of other things in my life, made continuing to race an unhappy, stressful prospect. After a few talks with the coach, we pulled the plug on the season entirely and I'm taking a rest month. Resting makes me nervous - I feel like I need to work out to stay in shape and keep the training progressing, but I also know that soon enough the rest will be over and it will be time to start being disciplined again. Finding a level of riding that keeps me feeling good and familiar with the bike while staying stress-free is a balancing act. I also wonder if it wouldn't be ...continue reading.

Race Report: Granogue Fail

Posted on by lindsay
I didn't go. For the past few weeks, I've been looking forward to this race and the opportunity to race in the men's category. It was the first race in a while where I actually felt excited about the event and not just the prospect of getting it over with. But then things went awry over the past week, I have become increasingly depressed and anxious, and then before I knew it, I wasn't eating or hydrating or sleeping. That hit a low point yesterday and by the time the alarm went off to get me up for the race this morning, I was already awake, sticky with cold sweat and feeling a combination of stomach pains from not eating and queasiness at the thought of food. I turned the alarm off, rolled over, and decided the five hour round-trip drive to race in 40-degree rain and mud when I ...continue reading.

This is long and somewhat depressing. Enjoy!

Posted on by lindsay
Hello there. It's been a few days, a lot has happened, a lot of it has been a crapload of suck, so let's get caught up and back on track with the whole regular posting thing. Kelley Acres Race Report I was going to do a full report on this event, but I procrastinated and then Grandma died, so it went by the wayside. To summarize, I spent the days before this race feeling dread and doom yet again. The Saturday night before, I even broke from my standard pre-race teetotaling and had a beer, and then ate my feelings in the form of fifteen Nutter Butter wafer cookies and three servings of candy corn. It was ugly. The morning of the race was spent agonizing over whether or not to go (including a sobfest in the car after arriving at the venue and registering), until I finally decided I would ...continue reading.