Semantics
"The roads are starting to get slippy. Slippy. SLIIIIIIIPPPY! That is such a weird word. I can't believe the word is 'slippy'." "It's not. It's slippery."
Bobby Wants To Be Killed
Obviously, because while discussing shoes this morning he said, "But you have huge feet, baby."
Sometimes Even Weirder Than Me
While driving down a deserted, winding road last night, Bobby spotted a deer standing in a nearby yard. He rolled down the window, leaned out, and called, "Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Fairfax?"The deer stared back at him for a few seconds before loping away into the dark."Some people are so rude," Bobby remarked as he rolled up the window and drove away.
And then he pulled out his magic wand.
I had just finished telling Bobby a story about a kid who lived in the neighborhood where I grew up, when I decided to add one final anecdote. "He and I used to look at each other's Magic cards every morning at the bus stop.""How old were you?!" Bobby exclaimed."I was in sixth grade and he was in fourth."Bobby looked floored. "And you showed him your vagina?!""What are you talking about? You know, Magic: The Gathering? That game kids used to play?""Ohhhhhh," he said, visibly relieved. "I thought you said magic parts."
That Makes It All Okay
"I absolutely have to get out of work tomorrow and I was thinking that, since my grandfather is already dead, I would say that he died.""So what, you're just going to exhume him for your own purposes?""He's been dead since I was, like, three!"
Times that Bobby “Made a Funny”
"The blimp will make a resurgence.""Melancholy...Fruitdog? Pearpug?""I'm surprised there wasn't a terrorist attack today.""Baby showers are easy. All you have to do is invite women - a bunch of them - and then tell them that someone is having a baby. Then you serve finger food."Waving hand in front of face after having a bit of gas: "Hold on a moment...RUN FOR THE HILLS.""This hanger saved my life," he said, waving the impromptu Slim Jim he'd created to open his car after locking the keys in the trunk. "I'm going to keep it in my car so I'll have it handy for next time.""Why would you drive all the way out here to buy a $30 bike rack? I wonder if he's coming here to kill us.""That's only about 1,200 calories. You probably burn that in a day just by talking.""He was like three years old. There's no reason for ...continue reading.