And The Workbound Laughfest Continues…

Posted on by lindsay
My coworker came into my office this afternoon to ask me about my recent request to FedEx something to a client. "What kind of package are you sending," he asked, "an envelope or a small box?""Oh, something large enough to fit you in," I replied breezily."Don't laugh, people have done stranger, and usually come out worse for it."I laughed. "Are you serious? Why would they do that? What happened to them?""Well, I guess they were trying to save on airfare. They ended up severely dehydrated, for one.""Why didn't they think to bring water?""People who FedEx themselves don't really seem like the type to plan ahead."

Dear Starbucks Employees,

Posted on by lindsay
As an former employee of the great empire that is Starbucks Coffee, I feel entitled to take a moment to offer some constructive criticism. I've been drinking Starbucks beverages for years, first as an unsuspecting customer, then as a savvy employee, and now as a jaded and bitter customer. I'd probably stop consuming your offerings entirely if it weren't for the need to continually put something in my mouth throughout the workday, as well as the need to periodically consume something other than whatever chemicals make the magical 7 Eleven instant cappuccinos. However, after this morning's experience, I am finally fed up.First of all, let's discuss drink quality. I know you make hundreds of drinks in one day and are therefore unconcerned by the occasional shitty drink. You resteam that same crusty pitcher of milk for the fourth time, you use that shot that has been sitting there for five ...continue reading.

Just to clear a few things up…

Posted on by lindsay
My dropping out of law school Facebook group periodically generates a number of questions or comments on my life/my decision/my status. To save time and to serve as a reference for future inquisitive law students, here is my FAQ section.1. Why did you drop out of law school?I didn't. Which part of "leave of absence" made it sound like I was not going back? Sure, I have no intention of ever going back, but that shouldn't be at all clear from saying that I took a leave of absence. And besides, are you always so nosy? What if my answer is that I had chronic diarrhea that was severely impacted by the pressure of the Socratic Method? How awkward would that conversation be?2. Do you plan on going back next fall?I don't know. I will not know until classes start and I realize that I am either seated in the ...continue reading.

Eating Disorder Jokes Are The Best

Posted on by lindsay
I walked into the kitchen this morning to discover my coworker making two frozen pretzels."I am starving," he remarked. "I feel like Karen Carpenter."I laughed and pointed out that if he were Karen Carpenter, he'd eat them both and then throw them up immediately."No," he replied. "If I were Karen Carpenter, I'd make them and then just look at them."

Elevator Etiquette

Posted on by lindsay
Upon returning from getting my lunch today, I boarded the elevator in the lobby of my building. Three other people also got on, so I squished myself into the corner to conserve space. A middle-aged man was standing immediately next to me, nearly touching my shoulder.Two stops later, it was just him and me remaining in the elevator, still standing uncomfortably close to one another and crammed into the corner despite the fact the the rest of the elevator was empty. I understand why he didn't move; it would seem offensive if he were to step away from me, almost as if I was repulsive. But by the same token, it was exceptionally awkward to remain in a spacious, silent elevator within poking distance of another person.

This is what you’re missing.

Posted on by lindsay
A lot of people who have been reading this blog lately are coming here as a result of a link on the "I've Thought About Dropping Out Of Law School At Least Ten Times Today" group page on Facebook. (If that's you, then Hi! What the hell are you doing away from your damn textbooks? Haven't you heard of the standard bell curve?) As a result, I figured I'd do a little post about what it's like to work at that first real job after college, the real job I finally got nine weeks after leaving law school.I'm not going to delve into too much detail for fear of being dooced, but I will say that I work for a small company that helps other companies secure contracts to do business with the federal government. My experience in this field was minimal, but I bathed the day of my interview ...continue reading.