Horror!

Posted on by lindsay
I spend the entire first part of each week getting excited about The O.C. on Thursday nights, and I spend Fridays and the following weekends recovering from the latest drama presented during the weekly episode. People know not to call or try to make plans with me on Thursday nights. People know not to speak or breathe loudly when The O.C. is airing, at the risk of losing an eye or a finger. You might say I have a slight obsession with The O.C.FOX JUST CANCELLED MY SHOW.They might as well have cancelled the joy right out of my life.I know The O.C. is a stupid teenage drama. I know that the target audience is substantially younger than my twenty-two years, and that I am less of a person for loving something so shallow and lame. I know that the show totally jumped the shark this season. I don't care. ...continue reading.

Hunger

Posted on by lindsay
I was overcome this afternoon by a craving for a diet soda. Knowing how finicky and fleeting my tastes have been lately, I waited for over an hour before gathering my purse and heading to the deli downstairs. On my way, I stopped in the ladies' room, at which point I realized that what I truly wanted was a Perrier, and that if I didn't get a Perrier soon, I would die.That urge lasted until I was in the elevator heading downstairs, when I was struck by the desire for nothing at all. I almost turned around and went back upstairs empty-handed, but decided to get a soda and a Perrier anyways, just in case. By the time I returned to my office, I had purchased nearly every single thing the deli had to offer. I say nearly, because the one thing I didn't buy was the Dove vanilla ice ...continue reading.

Resolutions for 2007

Posted on by lindsay
1. Curb my rampant road rage. If I've never run you off the road using only my high beams, my middle finger, and a string of four letter words that would make a sailor blush, chances are we've never been on the same road simultaneously. However, when I nearly give a poor old man a heart attack by making him wonder if I'm going to climb through his window and kill him with my spindly arms, it forces me to realize that maybe I should just relax a little.2. Clip my dog's toenails on a more regular basis. This may seem trivial, but it has been months since his last nail clipping, and his feet look like little porcupines. Before you shout animal abuse, realize that nail clipping is the one thing that turns my normally sweet little puppy into a rabid hyena, and that for every nail I try ...continue reading.

The Sorrow of Seasonal Snacks

Posted on by lindsay
I'm obsessed with the gingerbread cookies that Starbucks has this season. From their chewy, spicy-sweet goodness to the exquisite deliciousness that is the frosting apron, I am completely smitten. I start thinking about getting my gingerbread cookie from the moment I first awaken, spend the entire drive to work debating about whether or not today will be the day I say no, and then inevitably surrender by early afternoon at latest. Those cookies are in the back of my mind all day, and when I'm finally walking back to work, cookie in hand, I am satisfied only until the first bite when I start wondering if maybe I could possibly splurge and have one more. Or five.The problem being that eventually, Starbucks will no longer carry these seasonal little wonders, and this will happen with no warning whatsoever. I will go in there one afternoon, mouth watering and lips quivering, ...continue reading.

Shit Happened

Posted on by lindsay
At my aunt's house on Christmas Eve, a cousin that I had not seen since the previous Christmas and with whom I have no personal relationship looked over at me while I was stuffing truffles into my face and snidely asked, "What happened?" I knew she was asking about my marriage, but I couldn't believe she had the audacity to be so rude, and what was that about people living in glass houses not throwing stones anyway? I stammered out a response that clearly was not to her satisfaction, as she actually asked AGAIN, prompting me to snap something about minding her own business, grab my purse, and flee.But although rude, her question was fairly valid, not just in terms of my marriage but also in relation to the entire year. I can say with confidence that 2006 sucked. I was charged with reckless driving, I was arrested for trespassing, ...continue reading.