Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fur!

Posted on by lindsay
I gave Kobe a bath last night. This is in no way remarkable, except for the fact at (A) I chose to do so on the night when The Landlord was courting a lady friend with a home-cooked meal, and (B) Kobe chose that time to go bald.Because of the public nature of this website, I generally decline to discuss other people's personal matters, so I won't elaborate further on The Landlord's date. Suffice to say that his idea of romance probably did not include me in the next room attempting to brush my crying dog's teeth while Matty played "Let's Get It On" in hopes of speeding along the evening. Unfortunately, Kobe's breath smelled like he'd gargled garbage, and a toothbrushing is always followed by a bath. You'd make that a rule too if you brushed someone's teeth who insisted on squirming and smearing beef-flavored toothpaste all over his ...continue reading.

Small Talk

Posted on by lindsay
My coworker, on her dogs:"When they come back inside all wet and I get the hairdryer out, they push and fight to get blown first.""During the whole six weeks of diarrhea, I had to constantly clean his butt after he pooped. But he loved it; I'd call out "Butt rub!" and he'd come running over."

Bringing Crazy Back

Posted on by lindsay
In an attempt to make the people around me apprehensive that I may try to kill them unexpectedly, I've been tampering with my antidepressant medication. I'd originally reached a happy place with my daily dosage, a sunny spot that allowed me to take things like getting run over with a dump truck in stride. But then about a month ago, I ran out of pills unexpectedly (well, as unexpectedly as you'd expect when you watch the number in the bottle dwindle but are too lazy to call in a refill) and by the time the new bottle arrived in the mail, it had been over a week since my last dose. And then, although I started right back up again, I had to battle through the side effects that I'd dealt with initially, side effects that became so annoying that I have quit taking the medication entirely. Now I just ...continue reading.

Putting The Lag In Goal

Posted on by lindsay
When I first left law school last September, I did so with the unwavering intention of returning this upcoming fall. It's law school, I reasoned, and it's been my dream and my sole motivation for years now.Unfortunately, I then remembered that it sucked.I have since decided that I will not being going to law school anymore. There are a number of boring logistical reasons as to why law school is just not practical at this point, but the biggest reason is that I just don't think I will be happy as a lawyer. I'd have to wear nylons everyday, and that just does not work for me. They make my feet sweat.All kidding aside, I've come to the realization that I want things out of life that being a lawyer can't provide. When I was younger, I wanted to be a marine biologist or a divemaster or a food critic. ...continue reading.

I’m losing my edge.

Posted on by lindsay
I stepped into my coworker's office and breezily asked, "I'm going to get some strippers and some hos. Can I get you anything?""So you're going to 7-Eleven," she responded without hesitation. "Would you mind getting me a Diet Coke?"Upon my return, another coworker remarked, "A Nerds Rope. How adult of you."