Resolutely Reviewing & Reissuing Resolutions

Posted on by lindsay
At the beginning of 2007, I made five resolutions for the upcoming year, with the following mixed results: 1. Curb my rampant road rage. Have you ever had a great idea in theory, but in practice it turned out to be challenging and difficult to implement, so you instead scrapped it and settled for something much easier? Me too, with law school, my career plans, and this pointless resolution. Instead of getting control of my anger towards incompetent, slow drivers who crawl in the left lane and gawk at accidents and don't use their turn signals and leave their turn signals on while exiting because THEY'RE MAKING A RIGHT INTO THE TREES OF COURSE AND CUT PEOPLE OFF AND WAIT TOO LONG AT TURNS AND DON'T GO WHEN THE LIGHT CHANGES. Instead of dealing with these people more productively, I just stopped going to work and started working from home. ...continue reading.

It’s A Sign

Posted on by lindsay
As part of our Christmas gift exchange this year, Bobby and I each had to find something free to give each other. I went through a number of different possibilities in my mind; I could steal something from a store (risky and out of character for the girl whose last theft was a pack of gum at age seven that she tearfully returned), I could find something from the “Free” section on Craigslist (but I couldn’t really imagine Bobby needing an abundance of fill dirt or outdated electronics), or I could give something small and easy (did you know that you can take as many plastic utensils as you want from McDonald’s?) Nothing seemed to be the perfect free gift. That was, until I thought of stealing permanently borrowing a sign for him. Bobby and I collectively own a lot of bicycles and accessories, and I knew that a large, ...continue reading.

Guarantee

Posted on by lindsay
Me: "Hello. I'm calling to find out whether or not a particular product I'm about to order online will be delivered in time for Christmas. The shipping estimate is six to ten business days, but I was hoping you could tell me if it was more likely to be on the six day end or the ten day end."Sales Representative: "Well, let's see." Long pause. "Today is the....thirteenth. The twelfth. The thirteenth? No, wait, the twelfth. And the shipping is six to ten business days. Six to ten, right? And you need it by Christmas." Another pause. "That's...let's see...the twenty-fifth. So that's ten business days between now and then." [Ten? Is he not using the Gregorian calendar?] "I think you'll be fine. Yeah, you should be fine. Can I help you with anything else?

Minty Fresh

Posted on by lindsay
I understand the point of bathroom air fresheners. They smell lovely and are certainly an improvement over the alternative. But no matter how enjoyable a particular scent is when I am subjected to it the first few times, there quickly comes a time when all I can think is, "POOP. SOMEBODY JUST WENT POOP."

Ambidextrous

Posted on by lindsay
The door to my room was almost entirely closed this morning when I woke up, with only the slightest push needed to shut it firmly. After our usual morning routine of enthusiastic licking (Kobe) and exhausted groaning (me), Kobe bounded off the bed and shoved his nose against the crack of the door. He snuffled a few times and then started licking the crevice frantically. All of this noise drew my attention and I sat up to watch him in hopes of figuring out why he was making love to the door. Suddenly the door creaked open, and he bounced out and ran down the stairs. It was impressive to realize that my little dog had learned to open the door with his tongue. Less impressive, however, was the fact that I immediately tried the same thing and failed.