Lindsay Has Standards (They’re Just Low)
I am working on a post about this past weekend, but in the complete absence of motivation, I have been trudging around the Internet to pass the time. (Work? What is that?) I came across a website called "Jake Has Standards" about a guy who uses weekly standards to monitor his life and encourage self-improvement. Go check it out and see for yourself, then come back so we can make fun of him. Honestly, I have to give the guy some serious respect for working hard to make his life a better, more meaningful and productive place. I am a list-maker myself; nothing gets me motivated quite like a to-do list with little boxes I can check off as I get things done. But writing time into my schedule each day to write my schedule and then write about how I did with my schedule sounds a little too...scheduled. And ...continue reading.
Turning Over A New Leaf
Bobby's father gave us a jade plant a year ago. It was a pretty little plant in a terra cotta pot, and I felt like we'd been entrusted with an elegant new pet. We even debated about what to name it; Bobby had several fanciful suggestions, while I was intent on the highly original "Jade". Although the plant sat prominently on our kitchen table in the months that followed, long stretches of time passed without either of us remembering to water it. The sandy soil shrank into a dried, fossilized sculpture that receded from the trunk, exposing the first 1/2" of spidery roots and causing any additions of water to trickle rapidly through the hard sand and out of the pot. Unsurprisingly, the plant dropped all of its leaves and one of its two major stalks in the past month. I realized the plant was a code blue and asked ...continue reading.
Just like riding a bicycle.
After things went to hell last week, the first thing to go (even before Bobby; is it too soon to make jokes?) was my appetite. I couldn't eat a single bite for long stretches over five days and even keeping up with my normal water consumption was a struggle. This did wonders for my cyclist's body. I could literally see my legs shrinking and feel my energy plummeting until walking around my condo became a struggle. And I live in a place with the square footage of an elevator. Without having energy or motivation, riding my bike was out of the question. I'm in a rest month, which means only easy rides to work on skills and stay in shape, but even those were out of the question. Watching reruns of Desperate Housewives felt exhausting enough; carrying the bike outside to ride seemed fatal. But by Tuesday, I knew it ...continue reading.
So this is what this feels like.
Bobby moved out last Friday. There is so much to be said about the circumstances surrounding that choice, but I guess what it all comes down to is that we just weren't able to be together and be happy right now. I had made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, he had made a few of his own, we each had our issues with each other and with ourselves, and we could no longer find a way to fix both ourselves and the relationship all at once. So he told me he needed to be done, and then moved out just short of forty-eight hours later. And I'm all like holy shit. Of course I had a meltdown. I was a depressed little slug already; I could suck the joy out of Christmas and make children cry with a single look. Having the guy I love move out of ...continue reading.
Midnight in this garden of good and evil.
I have been a bit of a mess lately. Cross season ended up being a bust, so I called it quits early to start winter training. My inability to get the mental aspects of racing under control, combined with the outside influence of other things in my life, made continuing to race an unhappy, stressful prospect. After a few talks with the coach, we pulled the plug on the season entirely and I'm taking a rest month. Resting makes me nervous - I feel like I need to work out to stay in shape and keep the training progressing, but I also know that soon enough the rest will be over and it will be time to start being disciplined again. Finding a level of riding that keeps me feeling good and familiar with the bike while staying stress-free is a balancing act. I also wonder if it wouldn't be ...continue reading.