How Wonderful!
I just discovered that I've been sending out my resume with my expected date of graduation from Mason Law as 2019, instead of 2010. I know I'm taking some time off, but that's just a bit absurd.
Would you kindly not bother me with your silly requests?
My boss just came to my desk while I was CLEARLY writing on my blog. I made no attempt to minimize the page, realizing that closing a window on my screen abruptly would only further incriminate me. He asked about my progress on various projects, and then requested that I complete a few things by the end of today."Oh," I answered apologetically, as the Blogger logo flashed vividly on my screen. "I'm really busy right now. Those things will just have to wait until tomorrow."
To The Occupant Of The Nearby Cubicle
I’m sorry, but I cannot stand you. Your voice is hideously obnoxious, your stories are terrible and strongly indicative of your trailer park tendencies, and you don’t seem to understand that nobody else in the large office we share wishes to hear your personal phone conversations. Are you under the mistaken impression that the five-foot high walls that surround each of us somehow prevent sound from traveling? Let me be the first to assure you that they do not. I want to personally strangle you with your phone cord whenever you call your daughter “Stinky” and when you coo loudly to the person you refer to as “Boo Boo”. I also feel the need to point out that shouting at your husband for wanting to watch NASCAR all day, and then vehemently complaining to our coworkers that you want to kill him for being so annoying only makes you seem ...continue reading.
Seeking Entertainment In All The Wrong Places
Passing my time by posting random ads on Craigslist.org (feel free to respond):"I have submitted my resignation to my company and have ten days left at my job. This translates into a complete lack of motivation to do anything other than consume as much free hot chocolate, bagels, candy, staplers, and scotch tape as I possibly can. It’s not that I harbor any ill will towards the company; rather that I just have no incentive to maximize my performance. I know they are not going to promote me or give me a bonus, and I also know that they are unable to fire me until I train my replacement. Thus, I have decided to come in late, take lengthy lunch breaks, rush back to work in order to surf the Internet, and then leave early. It’s a very stressful existence. I might even have to nap under my desk to ...continue reading.
Perfect With A Little Lime and Salt
On the way back from lunch/a shopping trip at the ABC store, Drew began digging through my bag of purchases."They make a tequila called Montezuma," he marveled, looking at the large bottle. "I can't imagine what that would be like.""I've had it before!" I exclaimed. "It's not bad at all.""Have you heard of Montezuma's other thing?" he asked."Yes, of course. I've had that too."
Humiliation Knows No Limits
It is absolutely freezing in the building at work today, and a few minutes ago I dragged Caitlin to the company kitchen to watch me make tea in an attempt to ward off hypothermia. A few coworkers were in the kitchen as well, including one young male intern who was microwaving his lunch a few feet from where I was preparing my tea.Lindsay: "I'm FREEZING."Caitlin: "I could microwave you. That might warm you up."Lindsay: "Ohh...the microwave sounds so toasty."[At this point, the intern opened the microwave, extracted a covered plate of food, and removed the lid. I noticed that the lid looked warm and steamy. For some reason, I also could not recall the word "lid".]Lindsay: "Oh! Can I touch your thing?"Silence, followed by explosive laughter from all around. Fatal embarrassment on my part.