One More Tale From The Crypt

Posted on by lindsay
Midway through the afternoon today, my favorite new coworker came strolling into my office. He walked over to my whiteboard and promptly erased the "Welcome!" message that had been there since my first day. When I squeaked in protest he explained, "I wrote that when I thought that somebody nice might be starting here."

Office Depot

Posted on by lindsay
In case you were not aware, I started a new job this past Monday. It's pretty exciting, especially because I've been given a real office with real windows and a real door. My employer has not yet realized that my level of qualification hardly warrants a desk with four legs, let alone a private room of my very own. When I first saw my office, I was delighted by the idea of privacy and personal space. I thought surely it would be an entirely different experience from my previous life in Cubicleville, one filled with leisurely personal phone calls, endless naps on my desk, and constant urges to reconfigure my corporate feng shui. It did not occur to me that my office comes with a door that, when ajar, allows people to see me. (And there went my order for a waterbed.) In the past four days, I have been ...continue reading.

Misunderstanding

Posted on by lindsay
During a teleconference today, a client explained that his security company had recently done some work overseas. "However," he explained, "we got kicked out of Africa."My boss seemed aghast. "Why?!" she asked."Well, they thought we were trying to stage a coup."

Tipping The Scales

Posted on by lindsay
I've been to a lot of interviews lately, and there have definitely been ones where I've realized almost immediately that I'd rather become a prostitute/starve/die before taking the job. The jobs are either incredibly boring and mundane or the people are dry and humorless, but either way, I instantly begin praying that they will choose somebody else. When I shared these feelings with my father today, he gave me some helpful questions to pose during the interview that are guaranteed to decrease my chances of being hired:1. Will the insurance cover my pre-existing STDs?2. Is it difficult to enroll in the lunchtime AA meetings? Because the twelve steps have really helped me lay off the nose candy.3. What sort of benefits can I reap from the Employee Assistance Program?4. How many days will I get off each year? What about sick leave?5. Do you have an existing drug treatment program?Caitlin ...continue reading.

I Can Start Monday, Bitches

Posted on by lindsay
It has now been almost six weeks and I am still not technically employed. I've had strange offers for odd jobs here and there, and I'm starting a short babysitting/housekeeping gig on Monday morning, but I still have yet to receive an offer for a real actual job. I have, however, been to more interviews than I care to admit (all in the same exact suit, I might add), and I have discovered a few things about job searching that make me want to kill everybody. In a nice, professional way.1. The Sales Pitch: If I'm sitting in your office for an interview, chances are that I want the job. So please tell me why interviewers feel the compelling need to sell me on their company? I've heard everything from the detailed history of the company to what is served at the annual company picnic ("And crab! We had crab ...continue reading.

Need Work, Can Breathe

Posted on by lindsay
Although I'm technically working again, I only have a part-time position that pays on an hourly basis. This could still mean good money if my company would, you know, have work for me to do. However, at this point they don't seem to need me, which means that I don't have to go to work and they in turn don't have to pay me. I'm completely out of money. I had grass for dinner.Consequently, I went to a job interview yesterday. A friend from a previous job had offered to send in my resume for a position in his office, and I happily accepted an interview while only knowing that it was for an "admin" position. Within moments of sitting down with the interviewer, I was told that my responsibilities would include sitting at the front desk in order to assist the public and filing, with an emphasis on filing."Um," ...continue reading.