My Average Week – READ THIS!
Although working for the same company as my best friend of a nearly decade has resulted in more than one situation that could warrant our immediate termination, I somehow manage to remain gainfully employed (perhaps due to limited competition for jobs in my field) as an Olfactory Appeal Specialist (OAS) for a lead paint manufacturer in Ashburn. I barely notice the headaches anymore, and my doctor thinks there’s a chance the nephritis is reversible. Just kidding — my job’s not that bad. As an inside sales representative, I’ll much sooner die of boredom than cancer.
When I’m not perusing our scintillating company handbook or racing my only friend to the bottom of the five-gallon water cooler, my complete technical illiteracy qualifies me to sell a host of Dell products to computer sages. I typically ‘work’ from 8:30-5:30 and take standard lunch breaks to read and sunbathe topless in a nearby sewage field. No later than 5:30, I jump out of my seat, kick off my heels, jubilantly exclaim “I’M OFF!” and flee from the building. Other times I just leave.
I devote most evenings and weekends to rigorous Bible-study and extreme knitting, and I’m usually in bed by 8:30. If there were any truth in that statement, I’d go play hopscotch on 495 in hopes of ending my lackluster existence. I’m extremely adventurous and spend a great deal of time outdoors. I regularly hike, rollerblade, swim, bike, camp, and rock-climb. I love to travel and am planning a trip to a cloud forest in Central America in June. I would love to meet a man who shares similar interests and perhaps a similar sense of humor. Also, it would be ideal if he were, say, 6’3″ with distinctly cut muscles, shiny, perfectly-aligned, white teeth, warm bedroom eyes, and an IQ in excess of 150. I’ll settle for someone shorter though.
If I was able to make you smile, send me an e-mail, and I’ll try to do it again.