I have a confession to make to my fellow officemates: I am the person who is polluting the office with ‘food smell’ at 9:15 in the morning. There was leftover Thai from Wednesday’s lunch in the company fridge, and even though I wasn’t the least bit hungry, it sounded delicious, so I microwaved it and smuggled it to my desk to shovel down in front of my computer. I’m sorry; I know nobody likes the smell of actual food in the morning. The morning should be reserved for the fresh aromas of coffee and bacon and pastries, and here I am, subjecting all of you chicken in red curry.
Even more heinous is the fact that this is not a new crime for me. At my former job at the court, I used to heat up and devour leftover Thai or Chinese right when I got to work at 8:00am in the morning. Well, actually, that’s not exactly true. I was supposed to be there at 8:00am, but it inevitably ended up being 8:20.
[Side story: Paul uncovered the mystery of my perpetual tardiness yesterday as I was getting ready for class. Despite swearing that I absolutely had to leave no later than 1:00pm, I was frantically cleaning stains out of the carpet, straightening my hair, opening the windows to air the house out, applying fresh deodorant, sorting socks, and organizing the kitchen table at 1:05. He watched me bemusedly, finally remarking, “You do realize that none of the things you are doing are necessary, right? You need to just stop what you’re doing and leave.” I quickly pointed out that additional deodorant was highly necessary, and then strangled him.]
Anyways, my habit of early morning Asian food consumption was not popular at the court. One woman in particular would moan that I was making her feel ill, and would insist that I open all the doors and windows in our office, and turn on the large fan to expedite the process of ventilation. Attorneys would wander in to our office and disdainfully exclaim, “What is that smell?!”
What I don’t understand is why nobody has these same sentiments at lunchtime. There are always those people whose lunches smell like complete crap, but nobody makes comments about those odors. Is it somehow more socially acceptable to pollute the office with repugnant food stench at the lunch hour, rather than in the early morning? Why? I’m certain that somewhere in the world, Szechuan chicken or pad Thai are perfectly normal breakfast options.
Besides, you can’t honestly expect me to wait until lunch to consume food that I have most likely been anticipating since I awakened that morning. It’s the office food phenomenon again…trap me in an office with nothing but a garbage bag full of old salami, and eventually I’ll have to start eating it. Somebody made the mistake of leaving a tray of pastries near my desk the other morning, and by the time lunch rolled around, I had consumed seven of them. If I am trapped with largely appealing Thai leftovers, I’m doomed. I have no choice but to eat them as soon as possible, which translates to the moment I’ve stored my purse and keys in my desk.
I hope you understand. If not, I hope your lunch does not ever smell appalling, or I will be forced mock you mercilessly.