I have a proposition to any interested parties: beginning any Monday, I will be willing to compete with anyone to obtain the most points by the end of the week. Naturally, my opponent will have an advantage, based on the fact that I only work thirty hours a week. However, I believe that edge will be evened out by the fact that I share an office with only one person, and that one person already thinks I am so strange that he would probably not be suprised if I expressed a desire to eat hair/breed squid/join the circus. If you are interested, please contact me and be prepared to lose, as I have absolutely no dignity or self-control.
ONE POINT DARES
1. Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
4. While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
5. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
6. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
7. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES
1. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
2. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
3. Every time you get an email, shout “email”.
4. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (three extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
3. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
4. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
5. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
6. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
7. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
[Thanks to Mary for providing these amusing dares. It is times like these that I most miss having you as a boss.]