Cycling is a small world filled with heaps of exciting news, gossip, and drama. Somebody doped! Somebody has a motor in their bike! A guy over in Europe went from one team where he was paid a lot to another team where he’ll be paid a lot! New products were released that will make you totally faster right after you pay a lot of money to replace those now-worthless parts you just bought! Hooray bicycles!
Lately it seems we’re overly preoccupied with a few key issues. I’d like to address them once and for all so we can get back to focusing on the more important things, like disc brakes versus dying of obsolescence.
CrossVegas Beergate!
Issue: Rowdy spectators sprayed beer and threw beer cans at riders during the race.
Debate: Who were the naughty spectators? Who should have intervened? What is reasonable spectator/racer behavior? Why do people drink PBR anyway?
Suggested Resolution: Have better taste in beer. If you have arm tattoos and want to behave badly, wear sleeves. Spectators and racers should stay on their respective sides of the course barriers.
Bottlegate!
Issue: Feeding was initiated from the pits during Crit Nationals despite originally being forbidden.
Debate: Should feeding be allowed from the pits? Should the team with the biggest bus get to make and/or break the rules? Should women wear high heels in the pit?
Suggested Resolution: No to all of the above.
Kitgate!
Issue: The Colombian women’s team DRD-Bogotá Humana-San Mateo-Solgar was photographed at a team presentation wearing kits that seemed to include fabric windows to their womanly regions. Oops.
Debate: Who designed the kits? Are they horribly and punishably inappropriate? Should the authorities intervene? Was it just bad lighting? Are female cyclists underpaid and under-appreciated [author’s note: dude, duh]? Should this single photograph become a talking point for days? WHERE IS THE LINE BETWEEN NUDE AND GOLD?!?!?!
Suggested Resolution: For the sake of those poor riders, enough already. Go worry about something – anything – more important. Like ISIS or Ebola or how everybody is too obsessed with pumpkin spice flavored everything.
Misappropriation of the term “-gate”!
Issue: See previous three issues. I love portmanteaus as much as the next gal, but this is tacky and overused.
Debate: There isn’t one.
Suggested Resolution: Stop.