I´ve taken the liberty of translating the fun ways that Central American hotels are described in guidebooks. Please use this helpful guide when backpacking through this region.
rustic: full of bugs
attractive: walls painted every color under sun except white or beige
good size/large: no furniture
firm bed: exceptionally thin mattress
dark and airless: enough said
friendly: loud and crowded
large windows: no privacy whatsoever
Other descriptors, like ¨cool marble floors!¨, ¨with electricity!¨, ¨reasonably clean¨ try to sound optimistic, but come on. If the biggest selling point is that the bugs have crawled out of sight, there´s something seriously lacking.