The Dirt Field

Sometimes I share stories here not because I think you’ll really want to read them, but because to not share them would be to leave out a very important part of my life. Like this story, for example.

Bobby and I have two dogs: Kobe and Kiko. On a good day, they can be a noisy, bouncy, challenging pair. On a bad day, I dream of opening the front door, letting them go, and then posting signs around the neighborhood that say “Lost Dogs: Reward If Kept.” It would be money well spent.

Yesterday was a terrible day. By noon, Kiko had pooped seven times. She would come in from a walk and immediately start jogging around the house, searching for a place to go again. By the evening, she was back in good spirits and seemed to be feeling fine, just in time for Kobe to explode. He is a good dog that generally tries to behave, so he aimed his butt at the sliding glass door because that was as close as he could get to the outdoors in an emergency. I appreciate his attempt, I really do, but when you have vertical blinds that are pulled shut, having someone crap explosively on your door becomes a swaying, dripping disaster.

Kiko must have been very curious about what Kobe was doing when he had his accident, because somehow he also managed to leave dripping green stuff on her furry, white head. You’re probably disgusted right now, but at least you’re reading about this from the safety of your computer as opposed to having that head resting on your leg.

Just as I finished shampooing Kiko’s head (a challenge itself, as she has a deep aversion to water), Kobe again tagged the floor, the sliding glass door, and the vertical blinds. Ten minutes after that was cleaned up, he vomited massively on the carpet, and then waited until I was done cleaning to vomit again in almost the exact same spot. I knew he was feeling miserable so I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, but I would have been a lot sorrier if he could just aim his bodily fluids at easier targets, like solid, non-porous surfaces. Like Kiko’s head.

Things seem calmer today. I suppose that’s Mother Nature’s way of saying ‘Do not yet cast my gentle creatures out into the cold, for they will not shit on the carpet today.’ Either that, or the dogs were both out of ammunition until I just fed them a moment ago. I guess I will find out when I come home from work today and either see a spotless house or two perky dogs saying Surprise! We defiled your house in your absence!