It has come to my attention that Smart Tag is evil. Although it seems harmlessly helpful, there is nothing more menacing than that little white plastic box affixed to your windshield.
First of all, Smart Tag is guaranteed to ruin your life. I got my Smart Tag to expedite my commute to work, and within a week, I lost my job. My best friend got a Smart Tag to use when driving to her boyfriend’s house, and within days, the relationship crumbled. Sure, you save time at the toll booth and you don’t have to fumble for loose change, but in return, you will lose your friends, your job, and your happiness.
Secondly, Smart Tag leads you to waste your hard-earned money. When you are forced to throw cold, hard cash into the little toll basket, you can truly appreciate how expensive it is to use that stretch of road. But when you have a Smart Tag, you don’t even consider the cost. The Smart Tag just whispers seductively, “Who cares if you’re only driving across the street? Take the Toll Road! It’s on me.”
Third, Smart Tag is watching you and sharing your dirty secrets. Every time you go from one toll booth to another, the Smart Tag people can see how long it took you to cross that distance. I am not familiar with your driving habits, but if they are anything like mine, you cannot afford to have somebody monitoring how ‘efficiently’ you drive.
Finally, Smart Tag can result in your immediate demise. If you ever wanted die a certain, grisly death, I would advise you to stand in the Smart Tag lane at a toll booth. Despite the signs that clearly say “15 MPH” and “SLOW DOWN”, people driving through those lanes actually accelerate. Why? Because they can. And because there is an undeniable rush from not only not having to stop, but being able to race through, all while mentally shouting, “Behold – I have a Smart Tag!”