Being a lazy, unmotivated individual, I prefer to use speakerphone whenever possible while working, so as to save myself the tremendous effort required to actually hold the receiver. Although my cubicle is in no way private, which allows my coworkers to hear every detail of my conversations, this is generally not problematic as nobody gives a shit about what contract I am modifying or where I am eating lunch.
Paul called me this morning, however, and I mistakenly informed him over speakerphone that Aisha had not pooped for me on our morning walk. I then asked if she had at least had one movement when Paul walked her.
“Well,” he began clearly and audibly, “she did poop for me. But then she got a hanger-oner, and she started freaking out. She spun around like a ballerina on crack for like two minutes.”
I was horrified at the thought that Aisha had been unclean when she leapt up on the bed to give me her standard good morning smothering. “What did you do?” I inquired warily.
“Oh, she worked it out on her own.”
And now all of my coworkers know that my puppy worked out her hanger-oner all by herself. Excellent. Everybody loves a dingleberry story early in the morning.