The Dirt Field

I’m guessing this is not the best way to be starting law school. It’s currently 4am, I have only fractionally completed the reading for the first day, and I am clearly not making progress in that department. What a brilliant start. On the bright side, I spent a few hours today dragging Paul from room to room in the apartment, forcing him to approve the removal of a lot of clutter. I managed to fill five trash bags with things to be discarded, but I don’t think Paul appreciated all of my talk about “feeling spiritually cleansed” and “emotionally lightened”. He did, however, understand completely when I said, “You know how I can be a huge bitch sometimes? Having piles of crap around our apartment makes me like that.”

In all seriousness, I plan to do well this semester (as opposed to all those eager law students who are excited to fail). My goal is to procrastinate less, read more, and be fully prepared for all classes. This is essential, because I learned the following things at orientation:

1. Always do the reading.
2. If you don’t do the reading, don’t go to class. If you get called on and are unprepared, your grade will be adversely affected.
3. Always go to class.
4. If you sever a limb or happen to die, you may miss class. Do not waste the professor’s time by emailing him about your absence, or he will publicly mock your stupidity.
5. Inform the professor if you are going to be absent from class, or your grade will be adversely affected.
6. If you don’t know the answer to a question, don’t guess.
7. If you don’t know the answer to a question, don’t say, “I don’t know.”
8. Always know the answer.
9. If you don’t understand a word from the reading, look it up.
10. Don’t look anything up in front of the professor, or you will be berated harshly.
11. Always know the vocabulary.
12. You are there to learn. Just make certain you know everything beforehand.

With this in mind, I embark enthusiastically upon the first day of the end rest of my life.