The Dirt Field

The Race: Speed Week Walterboro Criterium
The Course: 25 laps with 4 corners and 2 bends
The Field: Pro 1/2/3 women
The Finish: 1st. I won. Seriously. Even I can’t believe it.

Sometimes before a race, I feel good, like things are going to go my way. Sometimes I feel ambivalent, and sometimes I feel a sense of doom like something bad might happen. What I have realized is that these feelings mean nothing. At the first day of the Air Force Cycling Classic last year, I had a bright sense of promise and excitement…and then I did not have a good race at all. Yesterday, I was nervous, tired, and somewhat pessimistic about the upcoming race. And then I won.

The Walterboro course has rough pavement, a few bends and corners, and a lead-in to the end with two tight corners and a narrow finish stretch. I knew that I would have to be in the first few wheels going into the second to last corner, but that every other women in the race would be trying to do the same. That meant the race to the finish would begin long before the end of the last lap, which had me sitting in the pack anxiously contemplating the finish from the moment the start whistle blew.

I missed it when Erin Burton went off the front. It wasn’t until I heard the announcer say something about a rider having 15 seconds on the field that I realized she was up the road. I sat in the field and thought about that for a bit, but didn’t make any decisions. When Kristin LaSasso went to the front and started to work, I figured she was trying to close the gap for her teammate, Laura Van Gilder. Her effort meant the pace picked up enough that the field was steadily working and from where I sat at second wheel, I didn’t see anyone making any wild moves.

So then I did. No idea where it even came from; there wasn’t even a decision moment, it was just GO! My power file from the race indicates that I jumped with more power in that moment than I typically use in a finishing sprint. I checked behind me for a split-second to make sure I hadn’t brought friends, and then buried myself trying to close the gap.

It took longer than expected – over two laps before I was able to gasp, “I’m here, we can do this, LET’S GO.” And then we worked, alternating pulls around the course and pushing through lap after lap. I was in such a haze of intensity that sometimes I’d look up and see course walls rushing at me and realize that I’d almost missed a turn. Erin worked, I worked, we ignored the primes with an instant agreement to split them, and I loved her for being a wonderful break partner.

Then it was the last lap.  We flew through the final corners, I stood and hammered out a sprint from my tired legs, and won the race. It was the best win of my career.
I can’t even begin to explain how it felt. To be in a break with a real shot at sticking and have people all around the course screaming and cheering. To have seven or so laps of riding as hard as I could while grasping desperately at the idea that I might get a podium out of it. To cross the line and know that I had just won the race. To get up on the top step of the podium in front of spotlights and photographers and get a winner’s jersey and a bouquet. It must be wonderful to be Erica Allar or Laura Van Gilder and have experienced so many big wins, but there is something to be said for the incredible joy that comes from the very first one.