The Dirt Field

A few years back, I was in a car that was rear-ended by a drunk driver. It was a weeknight and the driver was a middle-aged woman who worked at a big accounting firm; I’m sure she thought she was fine to drive and that nothing would happen. But things did happen, and the night ended with her teenage son arriving to see her in handcuffs in a squad car on her way to jail. I still think about that and vow to be extra cautious about driving after having any alcohol, but in the moment, after a few glasses of wine, I generally think, “I’m fine to drive. Nothing will happen.”

And so far it hasn’t, but that doesn’t mean it won’t. I deleted Facebook off my iPhone recently to cut back on time spent absorbing random details about other peoples’ lives and replaced it with a news app. Now when presented with time to kill, I read news instead of how my cousin had pork chops for dinner. The more I read, the more I’m surprised to see how, in a million different ways, a person’s life can change radically in an instant.

George Huguely is a perfect example. He was about to graduate from UVA with a promising life ahead. Then he murdered his girlfriend, another UVA student, and now he’s going to prison. Based on what I’ve read about the case and the jury’s verdict, it seems that a toxic combination of excessive drinking, relationship drama, and an uncontrollable temper came together all at once and she ended up dead. I think he’s a crappy person for what he intended to do (harass and harm her), but I don’t think he meant to kill her. In a taped police statement, George freaked out upon hearing that she had died, repeatedly crying out “She’s not dead!” and “There’s no way she’s dead!” I think he knew he’d hurt her, but didn’t think she had ended up dead. Can you fathom the horror of realizing that you’d killed somebody and that you couldn’t ever take it back?

Then there is the devasting story about the Marines killed in a helicoptor training accident this past Wednesday. Who would have guessed that a routine training exercise could end so tragically? When I try to think about what that would be like to experience, I can’t even finish the thought; the closest I can come is to think about how it is to be riding a bike one minute and crashing the next. It’s sudden and jarring and unexpected. One second everything is fine and then instantly it’s not.

Or the Denver news anchor who was bitten on the face by an 85-pound mastiff in the middle of a story on air. She had been petting the dog, but as soon as she got her face too close, it left her needing four hours of surgery and 70 stitches. In a moment, her life and face were changed forever and I’m certain not a day goes by where she doesn’t wish she hadn’t leaned over. Or the dorm mates of Tyler Clementi who almost assuredly had no idea that their childish, attention-seeking actions would later be widely held suspect in leading to Tyler’s suicide. We do things off-handedly and sometimes the consequences are extreme and irrevocable.

This all makes me wonder about what’s going to happen later today, tomorrow, next week. I know the terrain of my life; I can see the problems from the past and somewhat anticipate the hard parts that lie ahead. But what about those that are unpredictable? There’s no point in living in fear of those, because even if you avoid everything dangerous ever, you might end up choking to death on a grape while nestled in your bubble of safety.

Some things are avoidable. Drinking and driving is 100% preventable. Beating your girlfriend to the point where she might be at risk for dying is avoidable. Saying harmful, horrible things about people online is something that we should all know is ill-advised (although I was disgusted to read this vicious blog post and subsequent commentary talking about how Dooce’s impending divorce is great news and that she should kill herself…really? people are still telling other people to kill themselves online? haven’t we learned better by now?).

But other than doing what we can to avoid obvious risks, the rest is out of our control. Things are going to happen. In the meantime, the best we can do is to actually enjoy life: ride a bike sometimes with no training plan in mind, eat cupcakes without guilt, shrug off a scratched car door, and don’t get angry at the guy who appears to be trying to refinance his house at the toll booth on 267. If every moment is numbered, there’s no point in wasting a single one.