Eating Disorderly Conduct

I had one slice of apple pie a la mode after dinner and now I’m thinking about putting on my heart rate monitor and jumping on the bed until I burn a slice of pie’s worth of calories.

Jesus, these are some serious issues.

Eating has always been a sensitive subject. I love to eat, and while I have a generally healthy diet, I also have a sweet tooth and the periodic inability to stop putting food in my mouth. Add in all of the training (which increases my appetite enormously) and the pressure to be competitive on the bike (the more I have to carry uphill, the slower I go), and I struggle constantly with my eating. Am I eating enough? Am I eating too much? Am I feeding my muscles or overstuffing my gut? Am I actually hungry or am I just craving? AM I OUT OF MY MIND?

The answer is most certainly yes.

Within an hour of getting an iPhone a few weeks ago, I had found the Fitness Tracker app that allowed me to track every calorie consumed and burned. Fitness Tracker and I went from zero to sixty instantly; within a day, I was logging every nibble, avoiding restaurant food because the nutritional data was harder to find, and working out extra hard just so I would be allowed to eat more calories for that day. On the days where I ate more than the application said was permitted, I was miserable.

Bobby finally asked, “Why are you so mean to yourself?” and it made me want to both laugh and cry because it was so true. I am really mean to my body; every time I eat too much or eat something I shouldn’t, I berate myself until the next workout. It feels like shit and I can’t stop.

Lest you think I’m starving or Karen Carpentering myself into an early grave, I will say that my core diet is both healthy and sufficient to meet my body’s needs. I’m not withering away or skipping meals – I just devote far too much head space and guilt to this topic. I had a wonderful dinner tonight with a dear friend, but because I had an extra piece of bread and a big dessert, I feel like I need to go ride or run or carry around a sack of bricks. Hey! This guilt is a dead weight! Maybe it will burn some calories.

It is very difficult to change my thinking process when it comes to eating. Fitness Tracker and I finally broke up a week ago when Bobby put his foot down (for the third time), and I was willing to concede because the application said there wasn’t enough left in my calorie budget to afford the tacos I wanted. Sadly, dropping that insanity doesn’t seem to have fixed the underlying problem.

My new job may be willing to help in this area. In the words of my new colleague, “I try to get to the gym, but during the week I’m too busy with work and by the weekend I’m just too exhausted. However, I think the stress of this place keeps me thin.”

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August 24th 2010 | Posted in Biking, Bobby, Employment, Life

We’ll just tell the kids I fell down the stairs.

While on a training ride yesterday, I went into a loose, rocky downhill turn too fast and the bike slid out from under me. My head and face hit the ground first, denting my helmet and smashing my glasses/face into a small rock. Ouch. For the glasses, I mean. They weren’t cheap. And I guess for my face, too.

On the bright side, I’m starting a new job tomorrow! At least I won’t stick out or anything. As my father kindly tried to rationalize, it “just looks like [I] put my makeup on wrong.” Great. People won’t think I’m injured; they’ll just think I’m stupid.

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August 22nd 2010 | Posted in Biking

Ready To Take The Pro Fields By, well, Light Rain

I now have the race results needed to officially the upgrade to pro through USA Cycling.

So totally weird. Three years ago I was racing in board shorts and a cotton tank top on a bike that could have doubled as an anchor for an oceanliner. Now I live on nothing but gelatinous energy products and coffee and my bike is made out of starlight and dental floss – unwaxed, of course, because that wax really adds on the weight. I also track every morsel of food that crosses my lips using an app on my iPhone that makes me feel neurotic and yet so dedicated to my sport, and I attend private Pilates lessons with a man who wears ballet slippers and enjoys pain. Well, my pain at least.

It has been quite a journey to get to this point, moving from category to category in my quest to become a pro-level racer. I have spent so many hours riding back and forth on small stretches of the W&OD Trail doing intervals that I’m pretty sure I own part of it through squatter’s rights. You wouldn’t believe the looks I get from people as I sprint by them, gasping for air while hunched over my bike like I’m trying to take flight. They look at me like I’m crazy and I want to be like YOU try sprinting up and down this freaking hill ten times as hard as you can and then see how stupid and ugly YOU look.

Don’t worry. I always say “on your left” as I pass. Sometimes it comes out as a faint gasp and sometimes, if a person has made the selfish mistake of thinking they own the entire path, it comes out as “On your LEFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT!” but it always comes out in some form. Getting to this point in my racing career has made “on your left” and “my bike is making this weird noise” the two phrases I have probably said more in my life than anything else.

Now I get to start an entirely new challenge, the task of moving from being a bottom-feeder in the pro field to winning the World Championships. The good news is that with the HUGE pool of pro women that show up at local races, I’m practically guaranteed to take home a cash prize as long as I can drag my bike across the finish line in some manner. And after all, that’s why we all do this sport, right? The fat stacks of cash are too hard to pass up.

Well, I guess there is one other perk to being a world-class pro rider. The other day, while hanging around with some racers and talking saddles, somebody mentioned that a famous pro man was nursing a really bad cyst on his ass. And I’m thinking to myself, “Aww, Linds! Someday you TOO can be famous enough that people stand around and talk about what’s happening in your shorts.” A girl can dream.

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August 13th 2010 | Posted in Biking

Victory can be yours, for only $59.95/month!

When I first started biking, I was determined to keep it light and fun, nothing too competitive or serious. A few months later, I decided that I was actually going to go to the Olympics. Always keeping it real, that’s me.

After a few months of training myself and struggling to pull together a decent workout plan based on a number of different training approaches/philosophies, I was directed to Alison Dunlap to get personal coaching from a true expert who had done everything I was hoping to do. I’ve been working with her since the beginning of 2008 and she has given me some real gems of insight, including:

“When you do it right, it’s easy. When you do it wrong, it’s not.”

“Try not to eat so much cheese.”

“The rides that make you win races are the ones where the weather sucks, you feel terrible, and you hate your bike.”

“One or two cookies is fine, but twenty?”

“Spin to win!”

All kidding aside, having a coach has made all the difference in the world with my riding. I have an experienced pro telling me when I need to work hard and when I need to rest, things I would otherwise struggle to manage on my own. It also helps to know I have a training plan for each day; there’s no ambiguity, no “I don’t feel like riding today”, no letting myself off the hook. Sure, I miss a ride on essential occasions and I’ll rearrange training rides if life requires it, but since I pay somebody to tell me what to do, I try to actually do it.

The training works. I’m a much stronger, more disciplined rider than I would ever have been without a coach guiding me. Alison has trained me from a Cat 3 mountain biker and a new cross racer to a Cat 1 mountain biker and a Cat 2 cross racer in just over two years, after I’d only been on a bike for six months.

My point is that coaching is the key to improving your riding, even if your goals are slightly more normal (stay in shape, kick that guy’s ass at your local race). Since Alison has helped me so much, I want people to know that (a) as a coach, she rocks, and (b) if you’re not into paying a lot for full coaching, she offers basic plans for $60 a month that will give you everything you need to get better. You can learn more about it here. No, I don’t get anything for referring you (she would probably blush if I mentioned that I’m blogging about her) – I just want people to know that Alison is an awesome, affordable option for a coach.

Just don’t sign up if you’re racing in my class.

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June 7th 2010 | Posted in Biking

Ten disgusting things you (but never I) may have done in the name of cycling:

1. Blew a snot rocket mid-ride.

2. Blew a snot rocket mid-ride and hit your jersey/shorts/shoe.

3. Spit while riding fast and had it land on your shoulder/splash across your cheek.

4. Pushed your helmet against your head to make all of the sweat pour out.

5. Eaten a fuzzy, sticky Clif Block found in your jersey pocket.

6. Drank the mud splashed across the mouth of a waterbottle.

7. Used a glove as a sweat mop or Kleenex.

8. Picked bugs/dirt out of your teeth after a ride.

9. Smelled something rank and realized it was your gloves or helmet.

10. Peed in the woods and sprinkled your shoes.

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March 25th 2010 | Posted in Biking

Updates that probably warrant their own posts.

1. I am getting married in several months.

2. Evidently, I have anxiety regarding racing that has phobia-like qualities.

3. Despite several recent bouts of nice weather, I cannot bring myself to stop using the trainer for all rides.

4. The mice are still alive. They run on their wheel for approximately 75% of each day. The wheel squeaks loudly 100% of the time that it is in use. I am down to 0.01% of my original desire to own mice.

5. I am leaving my current job this Friday and starting a new one on Monday.

6. For the first time in my life as a dog owner, I wished fiercely that I would come home to a pile of poop on the floor today. No luck.

7. These are my new favorite shoes: http://boutique.vanillabicycles.com/product/the-pit-boot

5 Comments

March 23rd 2010 | Posted in Biking, Bobby, Employment, Life, The Mice, The Pups

Dear Cycling: FU.

I am sick of cycling and the trainer and intervals and workouts and warm ups and cool downs and recovery rides. I am tired of  spandex and chamois pads and Bag Balm and sweat towels and Sidis and sports bras and cycling socks and lightweight, uncomfortable saddles. I will be ill if I have another bottle of Heed or glass of Recoverite or bag of Clif Energy Gelatinous Blobs of Miserable Hell. I don’t want to push through another endurance ride or drive to the gym or do another leg exercise or stretch or lube my chain or put on my heart rate monitor or get past my VO2 max.

Winter fucking blows. I’m sorry, but it does. Winter training is fun for maybe a month and then it starts to drag and then it starts to REALLY FUCKING SUCK.

Its my blog and I can swear if I want to. I’m sorry, Mom.

It has been too long since I’ve had a ride I actually enjoyed. I’m having a hard time remembering why I do this, why I train day after day, why I sweat it out on the trainer for a couple of hours or work my butt off at the gym two or three times a week. I’m tired, chafed, calloused, annoyed, burned out, and totally effing over the stupid winter training. Don’t tell me to go ride outside; I have a training plan and I have my reasons for sticking with the trainer and right now I just want to tell the whole world that I WANT TO QUIT.

There. It’s out of my system. Now I can get back to riding the trainer.

7 Comments

February 9th 2010 | Posted in Biking

Wrecked ‘Em, Damn Near Killed ‘Em

Both quotes are worth remembering:

“Realize that a to-do list ends only in death.” -Brigid Schulte, The Washington Post

“The 650B is the answer to the question nobody asked. It’s like bacon. No one remembers asking for a salty meat product made mostly of lard and the lips of a pig’s anus, but here we are.” - Soulcraft’s Sean Walling on the future of 650B.

Ahh, the diverse spectrum of my psyche.

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January 17th 2010 | Posted in Biking, Life

What An Excellent Year For An Exorcism!

For the past three years, I have begun each new year with a review of how I did with my previous year’s resolutions and a discussion of my new resolutions. That sounds boring, so I’m not going to do it. Instead, I’m going to do a quick recap of the past year in list format, which saves me the time and trouble of developing thoughts and connecting them meaningfully in paragraphs. Also, it’s probably less tedious for you to read.

Things That Sucked in 2009

1. Grandma died.
2. My fiance left me and moved out.
3. I drowned uncomfortably at a job that tried to eat my favorite coworkers after it had chewed me up and spit me out.
4. Scout went blind in one eye, which now glows radioactively whenever it catches the light.
5. I killed every plant I owned this year (four of them).
6. The military does not want me.
7. I started a new anti-depressant. This could fall under the “Sucked” category, since the reasons for deciding to start medication again were not happy reasons, or it could be considered a “Good” thing, since it’s like a positive step or something. My therapist would probably be peeved to see that I’ve settled on putting it here.
8. I exercised bad judgment. That description will have to suffice.
9. Racing cyclocross became too mentally taxing, so I bailed in early October.
10. Bobby’s contribution to this list: “You left a huge, irreparable stain on the carpet in the spare room.”

Things That Were Good in 2009

1. I paid a lot of money for a free, middle-aged, overweight dog. He turned out to be many different flavors of awesome.
2. The (5) Days of Summer were a lot of memorable fun.
3. My fiance came back (but remains self-demoted to boyfriend status).
4. I was gainfully employed for the majority of the year, while many people were not (or so I read while surfing the Internet all day long at work).
5. My carelessness led to accidentally cashing out my retirement plan early, resulting in a large check appearing in my mailbox. Whoops. And also, score!
6. I folded 1,000 origami paper cranes. I also learned that one can fold just shy of 30 cranes per hour while riding a stationary bike.
7. I only visited the emergency room once.
8. I hosted the first annual Log Posse Weengiving Dinner in November and acquired my first pair of homemade, bejeweled underwear. There’s a story and a post behind all of that, but Hello, Laziness.
9. It was a good racing season. I was the Kenda Cup East Champion for my category, I had a lot of podium finishes, and I completed the Shenandoah Mountain 100 in 11 hours, 11 minutes. And I did all that while only crying before 50% of my events.
10. I discovered that slathering Bag Balm on my saddle region really improves the quality of my life. Or at least the quality of my bag.
11. Nobody else close to me died, I had great times with my friends and family, I didn’t get hit by a bus, it snowed a lot in December, my carbon footprint probably shrank, whatever, so on and so forth.

If I did not include something that you feel was good about my year, I mean no offense. It was undoubtably a wonderful contribution to the parts of 2009 that did not suck, and I just can’t recall it right at this moment. Mom, I am certain you are going to add your own list of positive things to my comments. You go on with your bad self.

In the breaking of the year-end post tradition, I’m also not going to bother doing any New Year’s resolutions. Sure I have goals and shit, but I’m not going to come up with anything specific that will become a to-do list item that stresses me out. This year, I’m just going to do whatever the hell I want and to hell with the rest.

Happy New Year!

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January 4th 2010 | Posted in Biking, Bobby, Employment, Family, Friends, Life, Sadness, The Log Posse, The Pups

Capital Cross Classic Press Release

[My first cycling byline ever. Exciting!]

The snow started falling early Saturday morning in Reston, Virginia and didn’t stop until late evening, leaving a 4-inch blanket of wet snow all over the Capital Cross Classic course. Below-freezing temperatures overnight left many sections of the course covered in slippery ice patches that had race organizers scrambling for bags of sand to add traction. The final race in the MAC series and the last race of the season for many of the region’s riders offered epic conditions in the true spirit of cyclocross.

The amateur races in the morning were slowed by the conditions on the course, but excitement levels were high as riders battled the churned snow and slippery ice. The course offered a paved start and finish, a mix of grass and hard pack terrain, and several obstacles and off-camber turns. As the day progressed, the ice and snow thawed in many sections, leaving mud that caused numerous crashes and forced dismounts.

From the start of the Elite Women’s race, Nikki Thiemann (Human Zoom/Pabst Blue Ribbon) and Kristin Gavin (Human Zoom/Pabst Blue Ribbon) were at the front of the group, along with Jennifer Maxwell (ATAC Sportswear p/b Bike Rack DC), Arley Kemmerer (Hub Racing), and Lauri Webber (Secret Henry’s Team). Thiemann and Gavin increased their lead throughout the race, pulling ahead of Kemmerer and Maxwell. Three laps later, the ladies had held their positions steadily in the mud and snow. Gavin and Thiemann sprinted it out for the win, with Gavin pulling ahead at the last second. Kemmerer took a solid third, with Maxwell in fourth and Webber finishing a minute later to earn fifth place. The Elite Women were rewarded with prize payouts equal to their Elite Men counterparts, a move greatly appreciated by many racers.

By the time the Elite Men raced, temperatures had dropped and the course was a chilly, muddy mess. The lead group formed quickly, dominated by Valentin Scherz (Pro Cycles Scott Newwork) and rounded out by Joseph Dombrowski (Haymarket Bicycles/HomeVisit), Greg Wittwer (ALAN North American Cycling Team), Andrew Wulfkuhle (C3-Athletes Serving Athletes), Jared Nieters (Haymarket Bicycles/HomeVisit), and Weston Schempf (C3-Athletes Serving Athletes). Scherz pulled ahead quickly and continued to increase that lead, winning by over a minute and a half and clinching the MAC series title.

Behind Scherz, Dombrowski, Wittwer, Wulfkuhle, and Nieters fought for second, with Schempf trailing just behind. A few mishaps in the mud dropped Dombrowski back off the lead pack, and Schempf was eventually able to pass. Wittwer and Wulfkuhle pulled steadily ahead of Nieters in the last few laps, and race ended with Witter in second, Wulfkuhle in third, Nieters in fourth, and Schempf rounding out the top five in fifth.

3 Comments

December 7th 2009 | Posted in Biking
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